Boom! I'm Born.

I am not patient. There are many reasons why I'm not patient but mostly it's because I figure the sooner I get done the sooner I can forget about it. I hate when things drag on and on and on for what is seemingly forever. Tomorrow is not promised to us so why would I waste today on something that should have been done yesterday? Well... that and I have a tendency to procrastinate (but that's a post for another day).

When we were having our family dinner yesteday Rebecca brought up being born. Of all the girls, she's the only one not born on a Monday. She was a C-Section and her doctor was just lazy, wanting to spend Valentine's Day with her husband and all. I tried to make her feel better and promptly informed her that it's for the best that she wasn't born on V-Day as I would never manage to be at her birthday party if she had. (By the time Becca was born I was almost 18. Be serious.)

She wanted to know if we were excited that she was coming into the family and we all told her about where we were when we knew it was happening. (I was in Calc I trying to figure out derivatives. I remember being completely distracted by her impending arrival... and I still blame her for the 'C' I received on the subsequent test). This led Mom to tell aaaallllll of our birth stories. Now the cool thing is that I already knew mine. I was there. Wanna hear it? Here it goes...

Mom was 19 and in the Army. This was her first pregnancy and even though she knew that she'd be a single mother, she wasn't scared. Probably because she put my Dad in check real quick and he knew what was expected. Or that Grandma Dot was taking the two years of vacation she had saved up while working for the state to globe trot and be my guardian while Mom stayed active. One of those for sure.

It was a cold and snowy day in December. Mom was stationed in the Nation's Capital for training. She was in an Intelligence program and was damn good. But tonight she was super sad. She went for a walk to clear her mind and to try to make sense of what had happened just hours before in the mall.

**flashback music and fairytale dust**

She met Dean when she was just a few months pregnant; she hadn't even started to show. She was honest with him about her delicate situation but he didn't care. He was completely smitten. She tried not be attracted to him or to allow him to fall for her. What kind of woman carries on a relationship with one man while carrying a baby for another? She judged herself but he never judged her.

Dean took her to the mall on the 5th of December. Neither one of them thought that the walking would be a problem; she wasn't due for another month. Besides, there was something special he had been paying on and he wanted to give it to her today. He was uber excited but she was all sulky and feeling fat. Which explains this exchange:

Dean: Mom, I got something for you.

Mom: *sulky sigh* Whatever it is, it's probably too small.

Dean: *heartbroken, pulls necklace with small diamond chip from pocket* It's all I could afford.

Mom: *crying because she's a total tool and wishes she'd chosen different words*

Dean: I still want you to have it.

Mom: I can't. I'm a total tool.

Dean: Well, then... um... *snuffle* Give it to J-Bird then. She should have it.

They rode seperate trains back to the city.

**back to present time in story**

She kept walking and asking herself questions. What had she done? Why had she picked those words? Where the hell did this tunnel come from? Why were her feet wet?

I was all like. "Wha-Bam! I'm tired of hanging out with you being a sulky face. We never go to cool places and I wanna do what I want! Let me ooooouuuuuuuuuut!"

There was a very bumpy ride to Walter Reed Hospital. Luckily, Mom was not the only person walking through the tunnel that night and the soldier that found her wasn't one of those crazy, rape-y types. Instead, he was the "I'm-gonna-be-a-hero-because-there's-no-one-else-around-and-I'll-carry-you-to-the-hospital-in-my-arms" types. Awesome.

Five hours later, she was looking at me and I was like, "It's about time". And she fell in love with me forever and I was just feeling mediocre because I didn't know if I could trust her to feed me regularly or not.

So, that's how I was almost born in a tunnel.

I've been this awesome since before I was born. And yes, I still have the necklace.

This is not my actual picture but I was absolutely, hands-down cuter than this kid, right here.