Day 26: My Week In Great Detail

*Twice in one day? Ooo la la.

Monday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, look at my work phone, Facebook from my cell, use my work phone, lunch, return messages, Facebook again, work for serious, gripe to CBS111 about work, check my month-to-date numbers, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, workout for a half hour, cook dinner, watch TV.

Tuesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, Facebook from my phone, work, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog (maybe), work again, daydream, let CBS111 work, lunch, think about ways to give 60% on the job, ignore my boss, go on break, refresh blog listing, try to find new blogs to read, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, check mail, recover from yesterday's workout, eat leftovers, clean bathroom and kitchen, watch anything that's not Glee.

Wednesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, realize that the week is half over, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, use my work phone for work, lunch, work because I am two days behind, calculate commission, make weekend plans, work for serious, look for something I don't really need, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, clean living room, go back out to buy dinner, wait anxiously for Modern Family.

Thursday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, woooooooooorrrrrrrkkkkkkk, lunch, check my Facebook, read other people's blogs, only blog if totally necessary, suffer the repercussions of procrastination, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, eat junk food or cereal for dinner, clean bathroom, lay across bed and wait for NBC's fantastic comedy line up.

Friday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up late, race dog around the complex, skip shower & dress like its a Saturday, curse at rush-hour traffic, clock in, bitch loudly about how bad this day is, get coffee, try not to get fired by my absolute inability to do anything productive, lunch, doodle around on the internet, look at things I can't afford to buy, waffle over my weekend plans, barely glance at work phone, accelerate through rush-hour traffice, walk dog, put on sweats, pull out ice cream, convince myself that I actually did intend to work out today, put on a DVD, do some crafts.

Saturday: YAY! I can do what I want!

Sunday: wake up, walk the dog, feed the dog, clean, go to Mom's house, have lunch.

*That is what she said!

Day 25: My Day In Great Detail

The Thanksgiving Day Edition

0530 - wake up at mom's house
0531 - growl at the alarm clock
0545 - get off the couch
0547 - pee in the dark
0555 - put leash on dog and get dragged for 6 six blocks
0615 - get back to mom's and feed dog
0620 - get in the shower
0637 - have mom burst in on me in the shower to ask, "who are you talking to?"
0638 - explain that I don't want anything
0700 - dressed and ready to cook
0710 - start breakfast muffins
0715 - mom gets in the way
0800 - breakfast consumed
0810 - ready Thanksgiving Day menu aloud and reinforce the idea of the time line
0811 - get told that the time line is not important
0811:30 - roll my eyes
0815 - assemble all ingredients needed to complete dinner
0840 - call Nat to see when she's going to make it over to start the veggie lasagna
           have world's most ridiculous conversation with someone who's half asleep
0845 - prepare to prep veggies for lasagna myself
0846 - get told again that the time line is not important
0847 - pull turkey from fridge
0849 - gasp as the turkey is EIGHT POUNDS HEAVIER than requested and anticipated
0850 - grumble because the turkey is still frozen inside
0851 - re-wrap turkey and drag it to bathtub
... - forget that the tub is running
0910 - remember the tub is running and trip trying to get to the bathroom before it overflows
0912 - stop tub just before it overflows
0915 - finally begin prepping veggies for lasagna
0930 - April and Rebecca want to help but really end up standing in the way
0937 - threaten to start drinking if mom doesn't back off
0940 - tell April that she should keep her thoughts to herself
1014 - begin assembling 3-layers of lasagna with help from girls
1037 - lasagna goes in oven 67 minutes late
1040 - start greens
1100 - take the desserts from the fridge
1110 - assign chores to the girls to keep them out of the way
1130 - rinse and prep turkey using fresh sage, butter, and bacon
1210 - remove lasagna from oven, put turkey in - turkey is an hour behind schedule
1212 - accept that time line is fucked and pour first goblet of wine
1230 - 1630 - lose all ability to give a shit about time because I have consumed a gigantic bottle of Woodbridge Riesling by myself. Nat and Mr. T are here now. The turkey gets basted in maple syrup when I remember to and since it's heavier than I thought it would be it took an extra hour to cook.
1630 - POWER HOUR
1642 -  turkey finishes
1645 - put greens, beans, and twice baked potatoes in oven
1650 - get mac & cheese going on the stove
1652 - prep toppings for the twice baked potatoes
1700 - get rolls on two baking sheets
1715 - remove greens, beans, and potatoes. put in rolls and mac & cheese
1730 - everything out on table
1732 - Mr. T takes Thanksgiving Day photos
1740 - Moms husband prays and we eat.
1900 - I pass out drunk in the arm chair in the den

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Day 24: Where I Live

From Losing It

Apparently, I live by a goddamn bus depot.

And since we're on the topic, why is it that you never see the fiiiiiiinnnnneeeee men riding the bus. On this particular day, I happened to be home sick and this awful thing was ruining my view of the apartments across the street. Naturally, I got up, fluffed my hair, put on lipstick, stuck a wad of tissue up my nose and peered through the blinds to see what I could see. And what did I see but a Grey Beard doing the driving and a hobo-esque man wheezing his way down the stairs.

I'm way to close to 30 for this shit.

Day 23: YouTube Video

You will want to have sound, although it's not completely necessary. You. Are. Welcome.



:41: Raymond walks off the set because he’s ready for the final puzzle round.
:59: Hands the card off to Pat without even looking at him.
1:15: “Of course”
1:32: “H”
2:40: COMPLETE MAYHEM
4:25: Another genius sightless handoff.
5:57: “Vanna, put those L’s on there!”
6:05: Best solve delivery in Wheel history.
7:45: “P”
8:03: The stream of guesses coming out of his mouth, which are GENIUS, specifically and most obviously, Halo Sauce/Mild Sauce.

Found Here.

Day 22: A Website

Ummm. Hello. My name is J Hyphen Bird aaaaand I'm addicted to Facebook. I let it rule my life. When I want to hurt someone emotionally, I delete them from my friend list. Whenever I have a feeling, I post it in my status. Everyone knows when I buy a new pair of shoes because I'll send it as a mobile upload.

I know that it's wrong. I know that Facebook is not a real place. But I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling all strong and fit, I go here and chart my territory for the day. But that's not often. So, mostly you'll find me here. Mad stalking you.

Day 21: A Recipe

When I first saw this recipe, I was all, "Nuh-uh! I ain't eating that. Taco meat belongs in tacos". I was wrong. (You might want to print this post out because you won't ever see that sentence again)

Tacos in Pasta Shells




1 ¼ pounds Lean ground beef

3 oz Cream cheese

1 tsp Salt

1 tsp Chili Powder

18 Jumbo pasta shells

2 Tbsp Butter, melted

1 cup Taco sauce

1 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

1 cup shredded Monterey Jack Cheese

1 ½ cups Crushed tortilla chips

1 cup Sour cream





Directions:



1. In a large skillet, brown beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add cream cheese, salt, and chili powder; mix and simmer for 5 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8-10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Toss cooked shells in butter.

3. Preheat oven to 350*

4. Fill shells with beef mixture and arrange in a 9X13 inch baking dish; pour taco sauce over shells. Cover with foil and bake in oven for 15 minutes.

5. Remove dish from oven and top with Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese and tortilla chips; return dish to oven to cook for 15 minutes more.

6. Top with sour cream, olives, and onions.



Enjoy!!!

Day 20: A Hobby of Mine

I am a mad hobbyist. J-Bird likes to make a mess.

So far this year, I have picked my own apples and canned them in the form of pie filling, applesauce, and two different kinds of apple jelly. I have crocheted hats and scarves and mittens. I have carefully crafted my apartment complex's most awesome harvest display. I have bought, wrapped, and intricately adorned more baby shower presents than a childless singleton should be asked to manage. I have talked about myself in the third person within (and outside of) this blog.

But the one thing that gets me all tickly in my girl parts is blog stalking. I am a bonafide lurker.

There's nothing more thrilling than peering into someone else's life knowing that you won't be found out unless you want to be. I'm a cyber peeping tom. And I'm looking at you.

Day 19: A Talent of Mine

I have lots of talents ranging from the raunchy (ohn! ohn! ohn!) to the ridiculous (I can do the splits!). But the thing I am best at is research. I can find anything if given enough time.

Just another reason why I'm better than you.

Day 18: My [Dream] Wedding

When I was younger, I was convinced that having a big wedding was necessary. It really was my last opportunity to have a day that belonged to just me. (Prom was a nightmare). The first wedding I planned was going to have more than 300 guests! Should I have gone through with it, we would have stayed married for 2 years tops. The second wedding I planned was just as big. It was going to be loud, sparkly, and all Jersey.

Now that I'm older, I want something more like this:

I long for a small, intimate gathering of just our families. I hope that we'll be able to take them all by surprise while on a small yacht. Maybe we'll tell them it's a party. Maybe we'll tell them it's our wedding. Maybe we'll tell them nothing at all.

I'll be wearing a long, flowing, simple white sundress. He'll be in linen pants and long-sleeved shirt. We'll hold hands on the deck repeating our vows after the ship's captain.

There will be no wedding planner, no flowers, no bridal parties, no seating charts, no fancy decor. Just us. Just love, good food, and a microphone with which I will roast my new husband.

image found HERE And yes, if I do get married, I fully intend to use this couple to capture my day. Their photos are spectacular.

Day 17: A Piece of Art

These oil paintings were my very first acquisitions of art. I love them both. They are original and one-of-a-kind works that I picked up at the Starving Artist Expo a few years back. I'm waiting until I find the perfect frames before I hang them. Until then, they remain wrapped and stored.

Day 16: A Song That Makes Me Cry

Katherine Heigl is one lucky bitch.

Just Say The Word - Josh Kelley

I'm holdin' on

To pictures on my telephone

And I know that I should let you go

But it's hard to break away.

I ask around

And I wonder what you're doing now

But I hear that you've been going out

A little more these days.



Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say is



Everything's wrong, nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side...holding on.



Remember when

We were further than you'd ever been

And I think about it now and then;

It takes me to that place.

When I pretend

That I'm better than I've ever been

Well at least that's what I tell my friends

Cause I can't show my face



Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing.

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say



Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side



It's hard enough to believe in something

More than just pretend.

And just because we both know it's over

We could still be friends.



Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side



And I'll be right there by your side

[repeat]

Day 15: My Dream House

There's only one house I want. It's the plantation that my family owns... or owned.

It has over 14 rooms, including a ladie's tea room and a gentlemen's cigar room. It's white with pillars and two wrap-around porches. There's an apple orchard to the east.

I'm sorry. I can't talk about it anymore right now.

Day 14: A Non-Fiction Book

Again, I'm using this opportunity to share my favorite book in a particular genre. I almost didn't buy this book. No one seemed to be talking about it. The blogs didn't rave about it. And the cover didn't pull me in. But it was as I was preparing to buy an entirely different book when I read that writer's own blog post that said her book was great but if you really wanted to know about this topic, then read Mikki Morrissette's book.

I followed her advice and am glad that I did. Mikki did all of the same digging for answers that I was attempting to do. And she was kind enough to put it all in one place.

Choosing Single Motherhood - Mikki Morrissette

Day 13: A Fictional Book

I chose today as the day to post my favorite fictional book. It's the first attempt at Chick Lit by this author who has made her career by writing for teens. I love the story line. I love the characters. I love the heroine's trials. I love the way she overcomes. I love that the ending is in no way typical. I love that she based the career choice and some events off of her own life. I love this book.

Fly Me To the Moon - Alyson Noel.

Day 12: Something I Am OCD About

This one was super easy because there aren't many things that I truly give a damn about. Until something goes wrong (or drives me bat shit crazy), I am all lets-just-go-with-the-flow-and-see-where-it-takes-us. You've seen pics of my apartment. It does not bother me one bit that it's not picked up every day. To pick it up every day would mean that I'd have to: spend less time with friends, spend less time with family, get rid of some of my hobbies and clean. Which is totally not fun and seems completely pointless if you don't have people coming over.

But if you were to open my food cabinets, you would be amazed. I take my canned goods very, very seriously. They are all organized and sorted by:

• category - proteins on the left, vegetables in the center, and fruits on the right.
• size - tallest in that category to the left and in the back.
• contents - there are no more than 2 cans of each kind of product (green beans, peaches, etc.) on the base layer. All matching products get stacked on top of each other, no more than two cans high. This prevents overstock of food and the loss or misplacement of said canned goods.
• date - the canned goods are resorted each time new product is brought into the apartment. All cans are checked for the expiration date. New products are put on the base layer and old products on the 2nd layer. Sometimes, the contents are rearragned so that I am motivated to eat those products first. This prevents food waste.
• labels - ALL LABELS ARE TURNED FORWARD AT ALL TIMES. I cannot express this strongly enough. How the hell am I supposed to know what's in the can if the label is turned to the side or, God forbid, to the back of the cabinet?

There is nothing that I take more seriously than my canned goods. Do you want to be unfriended on Facebook? Come over here and mess with my cans.*

* That's what she said.

Day 11: A Recent Photo of Me

I'm gonna be honest. I don't really want to put a recent photo of me up here because no one ever seems to have a camera on the days when I feel foxy! I kinda wanted to put the photo of me and the Scorpio but then I thought that he might not be pleased about being identified on my blog. So you get this photo here. It's from a work function.

I don't remember what song we're dancing to or why we're having so much doggone fun but that's probably because I was liiiiiiiiittttt!

Day 10: A Photo of Me Taken Over 10 Years Ago

This photo was taken 10 years and 7 months ago. I totally had to scam it off of a friend's Facebook page.

P. S. - that's me on the left.

Day 9: A Photo I Took

This was taken on Ashton's first trip to the apple farm. As you can see, he's making his best effort to not be in the photo at all.

Day 8: A Photo That Makes Me Sad or Angry

Imagine this:

You're out in the middle of a field. You have no idea where you are or why you've been brought here. Inside, you're hoping praying that someone will find you and save you. Even though you have no idea what's about to happen, you can feel in your soul that it's not right.

The car door swings open and you are pulled from inside. All around you is black. You think to yourself how fitting the night is. Evil always hides under cover of darkness.

Someone is holding you by the back of your neck. You struggle but you can't get away. And then, they do it. They slide the noose over your head and dangle you for all to see.

This is a description of a picture so horrendous, so disturbing that I refuse to put it on my blog. But please believe that this picture does exist. It is of two teenage boys of non-caucasian decent, flipping off the camera while dangling a small Japanese Shin from a noose. There was a campaign to find them and bring them to justice. Unfortunately, I can't tell you if that ever happened.

Day 7: A Photo That Makes Me Happy