Little Family

Sometimes, the last thing you want in life is to spend time with someone who seems to have everything you want in life.

I spent five whole days with Averi and her little family - husband E and toddler Claire - and I thought it would break me. That seeing her in her tank tops and pedal pushers lounging in the backyard with peach daiquiri in hand and Claire running through the Elmo sprinkler on a Friday afternoon would leave me in tears.

I worried that watching her interact with the man who knew he loved her before he ever held her hand, the man who got up every morning and worked hard to make their ends meet, the man who told her that what he needed most was for her to be home taking care of him, their house, and their daughter would fill me with rage.

I was afraid that being around that much love and trust and respect would make my life feel empty. But I didn't feel that way at all. I felt hopeful, confident, and encouraged that I could have that too. And that's nice to think about.

No Means No In At Least Six Languages

Three times!

I KNOW!!

Whoot! Whoot! All aboard the Crazy Train! First Stop: 6 hour courtship!

See, it happened like this...

********** flashback music and fairytale dust **********

Rollback: I'm glad that I could change your mind.

Me: Excuse me?

Rollback: I'm sure that now that you know the facts you understand.

Me: No.

Rollback: What?

Me: You didn't change my mind. I respect your position but I am steadfast in my beliefs. It upsets me that your only goal was to change my mind about what I believe.

Rollback: But I gave you the facts!

Me: And?

Rollback: Aww, well.

*** pause ***

*** pause, pause ***

Rollback(Cue sickly sweet, more disturbing than romantic voice): I guess now that we've had our serious conversation we should just get married. (cue horror movie scream)

Me: Excuse me? (I say that a lot when I'm at a loss for words)

Rollback: We should just get married.

Me: No.

Rollback: Yeah. We should just get married.

Me: Ummm... well. I know I should be flattered but I'm not. This has to be the shortest courtship in the history of proposals. So, no.

********** back to life... back to reality... **********

You would think that this would be the only [three] time(s) he proposed, but if it were then I wouldn't have grounds for legitimately thinking he's got a half dozen screws loose.

Every day he would call me at the most ridiculous hours. 9:30 am, 2:30 pm. I know that it shouldn't seem like this is a stupid idea but I work the normal 9 - 5 and I told him this. His calling me during business hours is blatant disrespect for my effort to pay my own bills. And it proves that he never, ever listened to me. Not once.

The next night he called was a Wednesday. I was sitting with my mom in her kitchen talking about him (believe it or not) and just how ludicrous his theories are. When I told him that I couldn't talk because I was having dinner with my mom, his response was, "So, you live with your mother?". Umm, no! How can that be your natural assumption? Finally, I told him that we were on our way out to church and to not call me because I would call him. Actually, I went out with Averi and Staci that night. Regardless, at the end of that 14 minute phone call, he asked me to marry him again. The answer was still no.

The rest of the week passed with me ignoring his calls because I didn't have the emotional strength to go forward with what would inevitably be equivalent to me talking to a wall or arguing with Pat Robinson... pointless. I finally answered him again on Saturday but only on the second attempt because the first time he called me at SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! Who, in their right mind, calls anyone before 9 am on any given day? Who, I ask you! Granted, I was already on the phone because I have a standing 7:30 am phone date with my daddy every Saturday but his call was still unwelcome.

When we talked it was only briefly. I told him twice that I was going to be busy that day and just picked up out of curiosity. He wasn't listening. He kept rambling on. So, I finally set the phone down, walked away, and got in the shower. When I came out, I had missed 3 calls. *gives you the face of someone who doesn't care*

I lost my phone that night and didn't get a replacement until Tuesday. He called and, like a fool, I answered. He said he thought I'd changed my number on him. I only wish I had. I kept that conversation short using family dinner and my busy schedule on deck as my excuses. The next day we went to Cedar Point and he called me three times, even though I told him that I was busy with family. Three times! and when I told Mom all she managed to do was berate me for not having dismissed him yet. (Although, she thoroughly disapproved of my phone "incident").

Thursday came and he called like I knew he would. It had been a long day but a successful one. I had just come from signing my new lease and was on an adrenaline high. I was going to take charge of that conversation and for the first time in a week, he was going to listen to me. I talked about Nat and my worries for her. I talked about my new place and how quaint it is. I talked about my car and about how it needs work. I talked about my finances and how I'm on a track toward financial freedom. I talked for 12 minutes. Just twelve. And I continued to change the topic because every time I took a breath he would interject.

With Nat, he could only hope that "she don't get hooked up with no nigga and get preehhgnent". My new place couldn't be as nice as his house in Atlanta and I could "live [there] instead if I was willing to relocate". My car could be fixed by the guy he knows and he'd pay for it if we got married. He's been saving for years! He is an avid advocate of saving your money and that's why we should just get "meehhreed". If we got married then he would take care of all of that stuff for me and I'd never have to worry again. Because when he gets married this time, it's gonna be forever; he's never getting divorced again. They'll be together until they die.

Let me tell you something about Sag Girls:

• ...the sign of Sagittarius [is] often referred to as the “The bachelor sign,”
• She is a girl who enjoys a great sense of personal freedom
• Sagittarius women are quite independent and love their freedom.
• The word 'marriage' makes a Sagittarian female a little [ALOT] nervous

Now, for all my Sag sisters out there who got roped down, you know that the statements above still ring true. It's just your love was smart enough to be strong but kind, firm but lenient, and  to let you miss him.

And for the ones that came before your love? They got dismissed... just like Rollback. Only he didn't take it well...

Sometimes, I Wonder...

• if I'll ever be the kind of woman that men write songs about


• if I'll find my place in this world


• whether bankruptcy is my best option


• when I'll be properly motivated to lose this weight


• if I can reclaim my inner flirt


• what it will take to snag Mr. Right For Me


• when I will get to start my family


• if Atlanta is a new opportunity or me just running away


• how many books I can really read at once without getting them all jumbled up in my head


• why my Mom is always right


• can I really have a child just like me, 'cause that would be all bad


• if my life will ever be more than mediocre


• why I love shoes SO MUCH and clothes only this much


• where I can get cute dresses that would totally flatter my killer legs


• when my income will match my tastes


• why everyone isn't as fashion concious as my family


• why he still makes me blush


• why his touch can make my heart melt


• if he'll ever get his act right so that I can break this celibacy


• if I'm completely insane for going 7 months without nookie


• what it will take to get nookie off the brain


• why my mom's dog is licking the laptop


• if telling on Ethan was the right thing to do


• how Ethan's going to get back at me for getting him in trouble


• how the hell does Twitter work


• why don't carrots taste like cake? I'd definitely eat more of them if they tasted like cake


• if I'm the only person in America that's had the same cell phone number for 8 years


• when I'm going to get to use my fancy phone that I bought on Black Friday


• why I procrastinate over nothing


• if I can swing an awesome gift for my Mom AND get myself two new pairs of shoes

photo source

A Day With My Brother *UPDATED w/ Pics*

Ethan and our little cousin Noodle

Jason, Cam, Ethan, Theo, & Daddy

Sunday is family dinner day and it's always at Mom's house. This Sunday was extra special because I brought Ethan with me. One word: awesome.


A lot went on and I could spell it all out for you but I'm tired and so, you will get a bullet list. You're welcome.

• Arrival and introductions. Hugs all around. He is shy.
• Tour of the house. He is in awe of all the stuff that April and Rebecca have.
• He is in awe that April and Rebecca don't have to keep their rooms immaculately clean.
• He is given a task; learns how we earn our keep at Mom's house.
• Mom has to explain that she's joking and he can eat regardless.
• I show him pictures and notice that he is sad.
• We do a project together and he's nervous because he's never built anything before.
• We finish half of project before dinner.
• He eats at table with most of family. I eat downstairs so I can watch UFC fight.
• He never comes downstairs.
• I go up and find him talking 100 miles an hour to Mom.
• I stay for a few minutes and then go back downstairs.
• I go up for dessert and he's still talking to Mom.
• Mom comes downstairs, Ethan follows.
• I watch Platinum Weddings and get excited.
• He mocks my excitement and hand gestures.
• Pillow fight started by me.
• Pillow fight ended by his superior strength and possession of all pillows.
• I advise of appropriate wedding attire and his role in my wedding.
• He threatens to "crap on stage" or get "the BGs" aka "Bubble Gut" if forced to be an attendant.
• I pout.
• He does not concede.
• I threaten and demand.
• He does not concede.
• I punch him in the gut.
• I win.
• I use the word bedazzle.
• Ethan mocks me and makes the bedazzling motion for 2 minutes elaborating on all the colors he's going to add to my dress.
• He takes Mom's side and agrees that I should have reception in back yard.
• Then he takes my side after Mom leaves the room.
• He jokes that he will raise his hand when they ask if anyone protests the marriage.
• I turn several shades of purple.
• He's just kidding.
• He says he won't dance with me.
• I tell him I'll kill him if he doesn't get on board.
• He changes subject to kids.
• I tell him my baby names.
• He mocks my boy name.
• I give threatening look.
• He lets it go.
• We go and find Mom.
• Take our first pictures together since he's been here.
• He almost drags me down.
• I whine because it looks like I have 3 chins.
• Ethan and I leave so Mom can get sleep.
• We watch two movies together that I've never seen so I can "step [my] game up"
• I find that I actually enjoy "Stomp the Yard"
• He is proud that he could teach me something.
• He turns on his iPod.
• I laugh hysterically because R Kelly declares that he "wants to toss your salad!"
• We sing loudly and off key.
• Birds chirp so I take him to his aunts house.
• He tells me to date more black men because my body is built for them.
• I hug him and try not to cry.
• He tells me that he loves me too.

I would rather...

Things I would rather happen than deal with my mother's current husband:




* have a llama spit on my food
* put my foot through a chipper/shredder
* eat Peruvian insects of any variety
* be on an episode of "For the Love of Ray J"
* get back together with the guy I dated from New Guinea




Because after all of the drama he caused at Christmas, you know, by stealing her car, putting
April and Rebecca's gifts in the mailbox, etc., he had the audacity to show up at her house for the Super Bowl.

In all fairness, she invited him. And here's why. They talked and he apologized. To her. But not to me or my sisters or my grandma or everyone else who was brought into their unwieldy mess over the holidays because he's a selfish jackass.

So, yes, as far as I'm concerned he can go to hell. He came into the family room trying to strike up conversation like we'd have anything even mildly constructive or positive to say to him. I was so disgusted that I up and left the room. Being in his presence was too much for me to handle.

Do I feel as though I'm being childish? Not at all. He disrespected the whole family and chose the one holiday of the year that should be celebrated with joy and good will and decided to ruin it by acting like a prick.



And it hasn't escaped me that he only wanted to talk to reconcile their relationship after my mom got her job offer. Just like he waited to propose until she closed on her own house.

Ass hat.

I'm still so angry.

Ponderings

My birthday is swiftly approaching. I would like to say that my advancing age isn't on my mind but that's not true at all. It's always on my mind. It's on everyone's mind quite frankly. My father - in his efforts to help - continues to remind me that it's perfectly normal for my generation to wait for marriage and that he would much rather me wait and get it right the first time, then for me to rush into it and suffer the heartbreak of divorce. My mother believes that if I establish roots and buy a house that I will attract the kind of man that is ready to settle down and start a family. Gram is sure that as soon as I get back into church, the Lord will bring a good, Christian man my way. Ethan, my brother, simply said, "Me and you, we're not the marrying kind" -- I mean, seriously, who says stuff like that?

I guess what I'm saying is: I know I'm getting older but I still don't feel ready to link my life to someone else's. I'm just not. There are too many things that I want to see, do, and experience before I embark on the journey of "forever". Putting it in this blog seems as pointless as saying it to my mother - who just happens to send me real estate listings once a week. All I want to do is eliminate my debt so that I can travel to far away lands. Sounds dorky, right? Well, that's what I want. And it's curious to me that this is the one thing that I want and yet it's the one thing that none of them will help me with.

I know it seems selfish for me to hold tight to my own ambitions but I think I'm allowed to be selfish in this respect. Mom only wants me to buy a house because she wants to move Gram here. Sadly, Mom's house is already overflowing and if I bought my own 1800 square foot chateau, all of our problems would be solved! Except I'd be bitter and resentful. But why let that get in the way of her grandiose scheme?

All this leads me to scheming of my own. In a few short months, I will be completely debt free. And if I'm clever enough to stop being so malcontent, this job will allow me to save many, many dollars in one very short year. Twenty months is all I need to be free of all of this. Yes, I'm being completely selfish but it's high time that someone put me first, I think.