I have 3 sisters and 4 brothers. None of them are 100% but in this family we say, "Either you're family or you're not". No qualifiers allowed. My sister that's just three years younger than me, Natalie, used to be my roommate. No one could understand how we could live together - and for so long; we lived together for almost four years. At first, it was great. We both had jobs that were sufficient to our lifestyles and were pulling our respective weight.
But this last time, she stopped participating - financially or otherwise. And I got tired of carrying her. So I gave an ultimatum: Get your life in order and make some changes or get out. She chose to move out. But in the midst of all of the drama her feelings got hurt. And apparently, I cannot be forgiven. We won't discuss how her current boyfriend is the same guy she dated for 5 years but they never celebrated her birthday. Or that the two boyfriends during their hiatus both cheated on her.
Never mind that they all received her forgiveness without asking.
I can't be forgiven because I'm family. I should never have done this to her. My response? I'm family. Not a bank. Not a loan officer. Not a shelter of any sort. However, that's how she managed to use me these last two years. When I confronted her with this, I was accused of being arrogant and condescending. According to her, she's managing her own life quite well. I told her that she's spoiled, selfish, irresponsible and entitled and until she makes changes in herself I don't want a relationship with her.
It's not that I don't love her; it's that I do love her. I feel that if I'd let Natalie continue to sponge off of me that she will never grow up and truly be responsible for herself and her own life. As a twenty-something myself, I know that the world is a cold, hard place. But I am working hard to maintain and she should too. Instead, she's now sponging off of our mother. Which you would think is not my problem but I get to hear about it. A lot. But I don't say anything in response to my mother's rantings. I'm sure that would be unforgivable too.
I learned a new word.
4 months ago