Monday, November 29, 2010

So Ungrateful

I used to get depressed during the holiday season. There seems to be nothing for me to get excited about. Last year, I sat in my mother's house completely forgotten and this year, I spent the whole weekend stressed about everything. I know that I should find a way to be thankful. I know that I should spend more time focusing on the good or at least trying to make things good but I struggle with that in ways I can't make you understand.

My mother has never been the one to take control of anything. She does it on purpose. If she doesn't take control then she cannot be considered responsible for things falling apart. The problem with this is that she will not allow anyone else to take control either. She relishes in the role of "helper" which would be helpful if she didn't insist on doing everything her way.

I do take orders well. I tend to follow processes whichever way they are designed. My mother struggles with these things because she doesn't like being told what to do. She also wrestles with the idea of not always knowing what is right or best for someone else's life. This weekend I endured constant badgering about my relationship with the Scorpio. It resulted in me yelling at the top of my lungs that she should let it go because it's. never. gonna happen. Just never.

She told me that I needed to take notes on Nat's current relationship stressors because I would find myself saying these same things when I finally found someone. I, not so kindly, informed her that I would never take notes from Nat and that if Nat had any sense she wouldn't take any queues from mom. I also reminded her that I have lived with three different men in my life and managed to keep all of my stressors from her because she is always less than helpful.

Like the time this past summer when I was dogged by a particular group of friends. While I sat there at her kitchen table crumpled over in tears, she gave me one pat on my left shoulder. Her advice? "Don't cry. There's no point in crying. Now you can stop hanging out with them and find a group of people that are worth something. I never liked them anyway." This came complete with that half-hearted, half-assed, all-condescending pat on the back. I remember it feeling so cold that I wished she hadn't bothered to touch me at all.

She went on about my drinking, my cooking, my baking, my control issues, my dog. She demeaned my career path and how I went about finishing my degree. She called me ungrateful for walking away from a scholarship that "[someone who is not my mother] fought very hard to get for [me]. For what? A boy? Heh". She relentlessly gave her opinion on topics of which she has no knowledge and made me wonder in earnest why I bother to come around.

This was all put on hold briefly when I received a phone call from my dad. He was working all day. Our talk was brief and she wasted no time telling me how sad she was for me because it seemed like he really wanted a relationship with me before and now it had been reduced to almost nothing.

I hate this time of year. With Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas coming in such rapid succession, I feel exposed to more ridicule and back handedness than any one person should have to endure in a 30 day window. Am I wrong in thinking that it's ok that I don't get the one thing I requested for my birthday? Everyone knows what I need but when you ask what I want, I'll tell you. What I don't expect to hear is, "Well, if I get you that it'll be for your birthday and Christmas". I don't expect to hear that because no one else in the house has to hear that. No one. Ever. I've watched her give away netbooks. In September. Just because.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. Scratch that. I do know what I'm trying to say. What I'm saying is that I hate my family. There have been many days when I've prayed that I could start over. I spent a good chuck of my life trying to get married so that I could legitimately have a family of my own. I know that I can't make them better people and I can't yet walk away. But when the time comes that my promise has been fulfilled, I'm gone. I did it before and my soul was never more at peace. I hate the feeling of being bound to them. More than you know.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Day 26: My Week In Great Detail

*Twice in one day? Ooo la la.

Monday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, look at my work phone, Facebook from my cell, use my work phone, lunch, return messages, Facebook again, work for serious, gripe to CBS111 about work, check my month-to-date numbers, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, workout for a half hour, cook dinner, watch TV.

Tuesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, Facebook from my phone, work, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog (maybe), work again, daydream, let CBS111 work, lunch, think about ways to give 60% on the job, ignore my boss, go on break, refresh blog listing, try to find new blogs to read, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, check mail, recover from yesterday's workout, eat leftovers, clean bathroom and kitchen, watch anything that's not Glee.

Wednesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, realize that the week is half over, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, use my work phone for work, lunch, work because I am two days behind, calculate commission, make weekend plans, work for serious, look for something I don't really need, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, clean living room, go back out to buy dinner, wait anxiously for Modern Family.

Thursday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, woooooooooorrrrrrrkkkkkkk, lunch, check my Facebook, read other people's blogs, only blog if totally necessary, suffer the repercussions of procrastination, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, eat junk food or cereal for dinner, clean bathroom, lay across bed and wait for NBC's fantastic comedy line up.

Friday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up late, race dog around the complex, skip shower & dress like its a Saturday, curse at rush-hour traffic, clock in, bitch loudly about how bad this day is, get coffee, try not to get fired by my absolute inability to do anything productive, lunch, doodle around on the internet, look at things I can't afford to buy, waffle over my weekend plans, barely glance at work phone, accelerate through rush-hour traffice, walk dog, put on sweats, pull out ice cream, convince myself that I actually did intend to work out today, put on a DVD, do some crafts.

Saturday: YAY! I can do what I want!

Sunday: wake up, walk the dog, feed the dog, clean, go to Mom's house, have lunch.

*That is what she said!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Day 25: My Day In Great Detail

The Thanksgiving Day Edition

0530 - wake up at mom's house
0531 - growl at the alarm clock
0545 - get off the couch
0547 - pee in the dark
0555 - put leash on dog and get dragged for 6 six blocks
0615 - get back to mom's and feed dog
0620 - get in the shower
0637 - have mom burst in on me in the shower to ask, "who are you talking to?"
0638 - explain that I don't want anything
0700 - dressed and ready to cook
0710 - start breakfast muffins
0715 - mom gets in the way
0800 - breakfast consumed
0810 - ready Thanksgiving Day menu aloud and reinforce the idea of the time line
0811 - get told that the time line is not important
0811:30 - roll my eyes
0815 - assemble all ingredients needed to complete dinner
0840 - call Nat to see when she's going to make it over to start the veggie lasagna
           have world's most ridiculous conversation with someone who's half asleep
0845 - prepare to prep veggies for lasagna myself
0846 - get told again that the time line is not important
0847 - pull turkey from fridge
0849 - gasp as the turkey is EIGHT POUNDS HEAVIER than requested and anticipated
0850 - grumble because the turkey is still frozen inside
0851 - re-wrap turkey and drag it to bathtub
... - forget that the tub is running
0910 - remember the tub is running and trip trying to get to the bathroom before it overflows
0912 - stop tub just before it overflows
0915 - finally begin prepping veggies for lasagna
0930 - April and Rebecca want to help but really end up standing in the way
0937 - threaten to start drinking if mom doesn't back off
0940 - tell April that she should keep her thoughts to herself
1014 - begin assembling 3-layers of lasagna with help from girls
1037 - lasagna goes in oven 67 minutes late
1040 - start greens
1100 - take the desserts from the fridge
1110 - assign chores to the girls to keep them out of the way
1130 - rinse and prep turkey using fresh sage, butter, and bacon
1210 - remove lasagna from oven, put turkey in - turkey is an hour behind schedule
1212 - accept that time line is fucked and pour first goblet of wine
1230 - 1630 - lose all ability to give a shit about time because I have consumed a gigantic bottle of Woodbridge Riesling by myself. Nat and Mr. T are here now. The turkey gets basted in maple syrup when I remember to and since it's heavier than I thought it would be it took an extra hour to cook.
1642 -  turkey finishes
1645 - put greens, beans, and twice baked potatoes in oven
1650 - get mac & cheese going on the stove
1652 - prep toppings for the twice baked potatoes
1700 - get rolls on two baking sheets
1715 - remove greens, beans, and potatoes. put in rolls and mac & cheese
1730 - everything out on table
1732 - Mr. T takes Thanksgiving Day photos
1740 - Moms husband prays and we eat.
1900 - I pass out drunk in the arm chair in the den


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Day 24: Where I Live

From Losing It

Apparently, I live by a goddamn bus depot.

And since we're on the topic, why is it that you never see the fiiiiiiinnnnneeeee men riding the bus. On this particular day, I happened to be home sick and this awful thing was ruining my view of the apartments across the street. Naturally, I got up, fluffed my hair, put on lipstick, stuck a wad of tissue up my nose and peered through the blinds to see what I could see. And what did I see but a Grey Beard doing the driving and a hobo-esque man wheezing his way down the stairs.

I'm way to close to 30 for this shit.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Day 23: YouTube Video

You will want to have sound, although it's not completely necessary. You. Are. Welcome.

:41: Raymond walks off the set because he’s ready for the final puzzle round.
:59: Hands the card off to Pat without even looking at him.
1:15: “Of course”
1:32: “H”
4:25: Another genius sightless handoff.
5:57: “Vanna, put those L’s on there!”
6:05: Best solve delivery in Wheel history.
7:45: “P”
8:03: The stream of guesses coming out of his mouth, which are GENIUS, specifically and most obviously, Halo Sauce/Mild Sauce.

Found Here.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Day 22: A Website

Ummm. Hello. My name is J Hyphen Bird aaaaand I'm addicted to Facebook. I let it rule my life. When I want to hurt someone emotionally, I delete them from my friend list. Whenever I have a feeling, I post it in my status. Everyone knows when I buy a new pair of shoes because I'll send it as a mobile upload.

I know that it's wrong. I know that Facebook is not a real place. But I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling all strong and fit, I go here and chart my territory for the day. But that's not often. So, mostly you'll find me here. Mad stalking you.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Day 21: A Recipe

When I first saw this recipe, I was all, "Nuh-uh! I ain't eating that. Taco meat belongs in tacos". I was wrong. (You might want to print this post out because you won't ever see that sentence again)

Tacos in Pasta Shells

1 ¼ pounds Lean ground beef

3 oz Cream cheese

1 tsp Salt

1 tsp Chili Powder

18 Jumbo pasta shells

2 Tbsp Butter, melted

1 cup Taco sauce

1 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

1 cup shredded Monterey Jack Cheese

1 ½ cups Crushed tortilla chips

1 cup Sour cream


1. In a large skillet, brown beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add cream cheese, salt, and chili powder; mix and simmer for 5 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8-10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Toss cooked shells in butter.

3. Preheat oven to 350*

4. Fill shells with beef mixture and arrange in a 9X13 inch baking dish; pour taco sauce over shells. Cover with foil and bake in oven for 15 minutes.

5. Remove dish from oven and top with Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese and tortilla chips; return dish to oven to cook for 15 minutes more.

6. Top with sour cream, olives, and onions.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 20: A Hobby of Mine

I am a mad hobbyist. J-Bird likes to make a mess.

So far this year, I have picked my own apples and canned them in the form of pie filling, applesauce, and two different kinds of apple jelly. I have crocheted hats and scarves and mittens. I have carefully crafted my apartment complex's most awesome harvest display. I have bought, wrapped, and intricately adorned more baby shower presents than a childless singleton should be asked to manage. I have talked about myself in the third person within (and outside of) this blog.

But the one thing that gets me all tickly in my girl parts is blog stalking. I am a bonafide lurker.

There's nothing more thrilling than peering into someone else's life knowing that you won't be found out unless you want to be. I'm a cyber peeping tom. And I'm looking at you.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Day 19: A Talent of Mine

I have lots of talents ranging from the raunchy (ohn! ohn! ohn!) to the ridiculous (I can do the splits!). But the thing I am best at is research. I can find anything if given enough time.

Just another reason why I'm better than you.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Iiiii Wanna Sexx You Up!

Ed Note: Please do not pretend like you don't know this song or this "band". I never realized how lame I was back then until I looked at this picture and was all, "Ha! These guys are a bunch of douches! LOL". I feel like this guy. Wishing I hadn't just spent my morning watching the ridiculousness that is Color Me Badd videos.

This morning whilst in the shower, I took a look at my gams and was all, "Holy shit I need to shave!". But I didn't. Because I am super awesome. And I want to find a cure against cancer. So, I decided that the best way to do that was to be a part of Movember. Secretly. I'm not like this guy, putting my biz out on the innet (yes, I know and we will get to that later) for the whole world to see and get all judgy about.

If you think that I'm all pissy about my legs being hairy then you don't know me well. I'm upset because my leg hair is patchy. Like high school freshman patchy. There are openly bald spots on my legs. And a wayward follicle that seems to represent a cow lick.

All I could think about was how glad I was that I decided to forgo shaving my legs and not my pits. I'd never get laid if my pits looked like this! But then I remembered that I'm not exactly getting laid anyway. Which only made me more upset. You know what they say. Sex is like air...

So now I'm fantasizing about that time I was hitting the streets every weekend and should have been getting paid for my valiant efforts. Which made me think about my sneaky days when I still lived at home. Which made me think about the time I witnessed my mom having sex. *vuuuuurrrrrpppp*

It's not my fault. It was my boyfriend's fault. I was so young and impressionable. He was older and on the football team. And he was all freaky and wanted to do it in my parent's bedroom. I protested but then he looked at me all melty-eyed and I forgot my own name.

But then we heard the front door slam. And there was so much banging and thrashing about. My parents were home! And we were in their room. So he jumped into the closet and I went about trying to straighten up. He leaned out and grabbed me right as they burst through the door. Undressing. Kissing.

I wanted to scream but my boyfriend put his hand over my mouth and whisper-yelled, "Shut up!". There was much silent crying. The boyfriend was fascinated by mom's agility. I was trying to dig out my eardrums with her stilettos. We both just sat in the closet and waited.

It seemed like it was three years later when they finally let up. And I thank God every day that my step-dad is a dirty whore who doesn't shower and change after sex. But I can never seem to forget that day, not even with intense therapy. Couple that with the time after her divorce when Nat and I walked in on her humping a Mexican and you can see why I take prescription meds.

All that to say, my Mom's a freak. And I was preoccupied with that thought when I went out to pre-heat my car this morning. I was fully clothed sans overcoat but the guy standing by my dumpster had no shirt on and looked like the kind of person that would not have his wireless connection password protected therefore allowing me to pilfer his "innet". He had back boobs, jelly rolls, and... a hump! A bonafide, oh-my-gosh, that-can't-be, am-i-sure, it-so-is-a hump. Right over his tail bone.

Horniness - 0. Trauma - 2.

Oh! My! Gaaawwwwwddddd!!! LOOK AT THIS!

Day 18: My [Dream] Wedding

When I was younger, I was convinced that having a big wedding was necessary. It really was my last opportunity to have a day that belonged to just me. (Prom was a nightmare). The first wedding I planned was going to have more than 300 guests! Should I have gone through with it, we would have stayed married for 2 years tops. The second wedding I planned was just as big. It was going to be loud, sparkly, and all Jersey.

Now that I'm older, I want something more like this:

I long for a small, intimate gathering of just our families. I hope that we'll be able to take them all by surprise while on a small yacht. Maybe we'll tell them it's a party. Maybe we'll tell them it's our wedding. Maybe we'll tell them nothing at all.

I'll be wearing a long, flowing, simple white sundress. He'll be in linen pants and long-sleeved shirt. We'll hold hands on the deck repeating our vows after the ship's captain.

There will be no wedding planner, no flowers, no bridal parties, no seating charts, no fancy decor. Just us. Just love, good food, and a microphone with which I will roast my new husband.
image found HERE And yes, if I do get married, I fully intend to use this couple to capture my day. Their photos are spectacular.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Day 17: A Piece of Art

These oil paintings were my very first acquisitions of art. I love them both. They are original and one-of-a-kind works that I picked up at the Starving Artist Expo a few years back. I'm waiting until I find the perfect frames before I hang them. Until then, they remain wrapped and stored.

Task List Achiever

Look at meeee!

Contrary to what this list would have you believe, I did do some cleaning I just didnt finish. I managed a load of dishes, the tub & shower, and put away my shoes from the living room.

The plan? Finish up some time before Friday. I love [flexible] goals.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Task List

This here is the list of tasks I have made for myself. You might think it silly, but without a list to physically cross things off of nothing gets done.

Yes. I did put some awesome and easily achieved tasks on there.

Yes. Awesome is my middle name.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Day 16: A Song That Makes Me Cry

Katherine Heigl is one lucky bitch.

Just Say The Word - Josh Kelley

I'm holdin' on

To pictures on my telephone

And I know that I should let you go

But it's hard to break away.

I ask around

And I wonder what you're doing now

But I hear that you've been going out

A little more these days.

Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say is

Everything's wrong, nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side...holding on.

Remember when

We were further than you'd ever been

And I think about it now and then;

It takes me to that place.

When I pretend

That I'm better than I've ever been

Well at least that's what I tell my friends

Cause I can't show my face

Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing.

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say

Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side

It's hard enough to believe in something

More than just pretend.

And just because we both know it's over

We could still be friends.

Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side

And I'll be right there by your side


Monday, November 15, 2010

Day 15: My Dream House

There's only one house I want. It's the plantation that my family owns... or owned.

It has over 14 rooms, including a ladie's tea room and a gentlemen's cigar room. It's white with pillars and two wrap-around porches. There's an apple orchard to the east.

I'm sorry. I can't talk about it anymore right now.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Day 14: A Non-Fiction Book

Again, I'm using this opportunity to share my favorite book in a particular genre. I almost didn't buy this book. No one seemed to be talking about it. The blogs didn't rave about it. And the cover didn't pull me in. But it was as I was preparing to buy an entirely different book when I read that writer's own blog post that said her book was great but if you really wanted to know about this topic, then read Mikki Morrissette's book.

I followed her advice and am glad that I did. Mikki did all of the same digging for answers that I was attempting to do. And she was kind enough to put it all in one place.

Choosing Single Motherhood - Mikki Morrissette

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Day 13: A Fictional Book

I chose today as the day to post my favorite fictional book. It's the first attempt at Chick Lit by this author who has made her career by writing for teens. I love the story line. I love the characters. I love the heroine's trials. I love the way she overcomes. I love that the ending is in no way typical. I love that she based the career choice and some events off of her own life. I love this book.

Fly Me To the Moon - Alyson Noel.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Day 12: Something I Am OCD About

This one was super easy because there aren't many things that I truly give a damn about. Until something goes wrong (or drives me bat shit crazy), I am all lets-just-go-with-the-flow-and-see-where-it-takes-us. You've seen pics of my apartment. It does not bother me one bit that it's not picked up every day. To pick it up every day would mean that I'd have to: spend less time with friends, spend less time with family, get rid of some of my hobbies and clean. Which is totally not fun and seems completely pointless if you don't have people coming over.

But if you were to open my food cabinets, you would be amazed. I take my canned goods very, very seriously. They are all organized and sorted by:
  • category - proteins on the left, vegetables in the center, and fruits on the right.
  • size - tallest in that category to the left and in the back.
  • contents - there are no more than 2 cans of each kind of product (green beans, peaches, etc.) on the base layer. All matching products get stacked on top of each other, no more than two cans high. This prevents overstock of food and the loss or misplacement of said canned goods.
  • date - the canned goods are resorted each time new product is brought into the apartment. All cans are checked for the expiration date. New products are put on the base layer and old products on the 2nd layer. Sometimes, the contents are rearragned so that I am motivated to eat those products first. This prevents food waste.
  • labels - ALL LABELS ARE TURNED FORWARD AT ALL TIMES. I cannot express this strongly enough. How the hell am I supposed to know what's in the can if the label is turned to the side or, God forbid, to the back of the cabinet?
There is nothing that I take more seriously than my canned goods. Do you want to be unfriended on Facebook? Come over here and mess with my cans.*

* That's what she said.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Day 11: A Recent Photo of Me

I'm gonna be honest. I don't really want to put a recent photo of me up here because no one ever seems to have a camera on the days when I feel foxy! I kinda wanted to put the photo of me and the Scorpio but then I thought that he might not be pleased about being identified on my blog. So you get this photo here. It's from a work function.

I don't remember what song we're dancing to or why we're having so much doggone fun but that's probably because I was liiiiiiiiittttt!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"The Ride of Their Lives"

I should be an event planner.

No. I should be a wedding planner.

I remember planning two weddings for myself - many, many, many moons ago - but I don't remember it being this much fun!

Nat has made me her unofficial wedding planner. Which is really cool because I have a good feeling for the things she wants. The best part for me so far is the challenge. When we first discussed her theme she said, "Well, peacocks for me and bikes for Mr. T (formerly Big T)". Peacocks and bikes. Just let them settle in. Because the other thing she told me was that she wanted to "keep it organic and natural too". What. The. Hell.

At first, all I could see were peacocks riding bicycles. And it is hard to shake off your initial reaction. But after I really put my mind to it - and googled "bicycle weddings" - I found these:

Magic, isn't it? Especially since we get to personalize the colors.

Now, I know you should start with your budget in mind but that really is for people who are paying for their own wedding. Since my mom and I are funding Nat's big day, we've decided that she gets whatever we can afford at that moment. At one point, we openly discussed her having an $1100 wedding. Heh. The good news is that we can do better than that. The bad news is that we can't do much better than that.

Here's what we know: there will be rich colors, there will be much thrifting, there will be much DIY, and there will be goo gobs of fabric. Goo gobs. In these wonderful colors. (Eggplant, Indigo, Bronze, Emerald)

And even though we haven't put together an official inspiration board, we have come up with a lot of solid ideas that will make it into the wedding. We are definitely going with these cute little guys as favors.

And we're going with short vases. If I can't find colored glass than they will be wrapped in colored paper/fabric. The girls will all wear fabric flowers on their headbands. Mr. T is wearing grey slacks and vest, no jacket with his sleeves rolled up and a hat; his tie will match her shoes. Ashton will be dressed just like his dad. The bride and groom will ride away on their bicycles and we're passing up the" Just Married" sign for individual "Mr. K" and "Mrs. K" signs.

We're having Keds dyed to match her shoes (CBS111 - you save my life everyday). And there will be a banner that says "The Ride of Their Lives". I haven't yet decided where it would best be placed. I'm not even considering the altar. Although, that's totally up to Nat.

So that's it. That's where we are with approximately 200 days to go. 

Day 10: A Photo of Me Taken Over 10 Years Ago

This photo was taken 10 years and 7 months ago. I totally had to scam it off of a friend's Facebook page.

P. S. - that's me on the left.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Day 9: A Photo I Took

This was taken on Ashton's first trip to the apple farm. As you can see, he's making his best effort to not be in the photo at all.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Day 8: A Photo That Makes Me Sad or Angry

Imagine this:

You're out in the middle of a field. You have no idea where you are or why you've been brought here. Inside, you're hoping praying that someone will find you and save you. Even though you have no idea what's about to happen, you can feel in your soul that it's not right.

The car door swings open and you are pulled from inside. All around you is black. You think to yourself how fitting the night is. Evil always hides under cover of darkness.

Someone is holding you by the back of your neck. You struggle but you can't get away. And then, they do it. They slide the noose over your head and dangle you for all to see.

This is a description of a picture so horrendous, so disturbing that I refuse to put it on my blog. But please believe that this picture does exist. It is of two teenage boys of non-caucasian decent, flipping off the camera while dangling a small Japanese Shin from a noose. There was a campaign to find them and bring them to justice. Unfortunately, I can't tell you if that ever happened.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Day 6: 20 of My Favorite Things

This one took some thought but once I got into it, I had a hard time narrowing it down to just twenty. So, I decided first to take out the X-rated ones and anything relating to my vagina. Then, I removed all the things that I only kinda like. So, finally I was left with the twenty things that I think best describe my fantastic tastes. Here there are, in no particular order:

  1. puppy kisses
  2. small dogs
  3. Snickers bars
  4. pedicures
  5. spa days
  6. scalp massages
  7. new shoes
  8. a clean house
  9. Greek food
  10. traveling to new places
  11. fresh flowers
  12. the beach
  13. the color turquoise
  14. sundresses
  15. sandals
  16. red wine
  17. gentle kisses
  18. being held
  19. being reassured
  20. being loved
Now that you know what my favorite things are, I fully expect you to take some initiative and figure out what you're gifting me this year. Stat!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Day 5: My Favorite Quote

I once dated a very tall, very handsome, very indecisive Irish man. While I dated him, I became engrossed in and completely enamored with Celtic culture. They have some of the sweetest stories, tallest tales, and weirdest sayings but they also have the lovliest prayers. I fell in love with this one. 

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
The sun shine warm upon your face
The rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

And my second favorite, is a quote that warns against regret,
"Never regret anything in life, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted".

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Day 4: My Favorite Books

I <3 books in a way that only a fellow reader could understand.

I remember the day that I read each Harry Potter book. It was always a Friday because I would sit down on the floor with a sandwich, a bag of chips, a sleeve of Oreos and a 2 liter beverage and read. I would read for hours and hours and hours. Never pausing, never breaking. Everyone in the house knew to leave me well enough alone because no one puts J-Bird's reading in the corner.

But my favorite books? That's a post for another day. So I'll leave you with one book from each of my favorite genres.

Stupid and Contagious by Caprice Crane - Chick Lit
 This book is cute and funny and very well written. It has wonderful characters and is a light read that I think anyone can enjoy.

The Ex-Boyfriend Club by some writer whose name I don't remember - Harlequin Romance
 You know why... *waggles eyebrows*

Choosing You by Alexandra Soiseth - Memoir
 It's the story of one woman's path from self-destruction to self-acceptance and finally to motherhood.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day 3: My Favorite TV Show

I watch a lot of regular (read: free) tv because I cannot make myself believe that cable is worth the expense. Over the years, I have become attached to some fantastic shows but these three made the grade as favorites throughout my life.

As a kid: Step By Step

Forever and Ever!: Arrested Development

Currently on TV: 30 Rock. Please, please, if you've never seen this show, find a place (Hulu) to watch this episode.

You can see that as I grew so did my taste for snark, cynicism, and great comedic timing. That and I hate laugh tracks. If it's funny I will laugh. I don't need a queue.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Day 2: My Favorite Movie

The movie that will make me stop in my tracks to sit down and watch it regardless of which part of the film it happens to be in is Gone With the Wind.

I love Miss Scarlet. I love Tara. I love the way Rhett does everything in his power to save Tara to make Miss Scarlet love him. I love the way she doesn't love him until he slams the door in her face. You can't buy that kind of crazy.

But it's not my favorite movie.

My all-time, hands-down, say-what!?!, favorite film is:
This is before Elizabeth's 8th marriage, Paul's famous dressing and when Burl did more than sing Christmas songs.

This movie epitomizes all the things I've ever loved about the south. Sometimes, I think that Yankee women have forgotten how strong you have to be to keep quiet and pretend like everything's ok.

If you've never seen it, well first, shame on you! Second, go see it. Now. Stop reading this and make way!

Cat On a Hot Tin Roof is a story about love, shame, jealousy and family secrets. And a loud mouth sister-in-law that needs to pop that baby out so you can hit her in her mouth.

Monday, November 1, 2010

My Turn To Meme! -- Day 1: My Favorite Song

I don't normally follow trends...

BAHAHAHHAHHAAA!! I drink trends like water. I have filled out more of those "Year 20XX About Me" surveys than I would care to admit to. So this is me, following another trend, and totally taking the easy way out of blogging every day.

I'm thinking this will give me that much needed brain break I've been hoping for.

Day 1: My Favorite Song

The Way You Look Tonight - Fred Astaire

Most people don't know that this song is actually in a movie and was first sung from Fred Astaire to Ginger Rogers. I know that because when I was 8 I became obsessed with all things Ginger Rogers. She's the reason I became a dancer.

But when I hear this song in what ever form, being performed by which ever artist, I can't help but bask in the glow of love that the writer must have been in when putting pen to paper. Read on...

Someday, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me, but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fear apart.
And that smile that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Lovely, never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you.
Just the way you look tonight.

Just the way you look... tonight.

P.S. - I picked this up from CBS111 who has yet to pick a blog name but we won't judge because we're good people. And you can't get snarky with the person you stole from because then they might come over to your desk and tell you that you are no longer even despite the fact that you took off your shirt so she could win $100,000 in fake cash money. Just sayin'.
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