Friday, October 29, 2010

A Tale of Two Suitors

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

No, really. I was seeing two guys at once. I know that I never really told you that I was seeing/talking to either one of them, but I did allude to them on Tuesday. Here's what happened. S is someone I've known for four years now. And there were no fireworks when we met. He was going through some tough times having lost his job and subsequently his home. I showed him I was interested but could never be there for what was most important to him. Band gigs. He's the bass player and lead singer in his band and I always said I would be there but never actually made it. Another girl stepped in and they were together until mid-September this year. I saw my second chance and wasted (almost) no time taking it...

M is someone that I met when my sister worked at the local Italian restaurant chain. He's a server there. He was always the center of scandal because no one knew for sure if he and his gf really were broken up. I mean, they were still living together! He said it was because of their infant son. Well, that infant is a preschooler now and what's worst is that M is not the father. Four years he took care of that little boy; four years he was lied to. I've always found M attractive and when he friend requested me on Facebook, he got the OK simply because I think he's hot. His birthday is in July and I made sure to wish him a hearty Facebook Happy Birthday. In return, he private messaged me...

When S first revealed that things fell apart with his ex, I offered to listen and he took me up on that offer. I thought that maybe he wasn't really ready to start over. But then, like before, he started to send me song lyrics (that make no damn sense!) and he asked me to a real dinner date. I went and it didn't feel date-y. It felt like two people who had drifted apart trying to find out who the other person is. Like we were a distant married couple or something. I don't claim to know a lot about relationships and love but that just didn't feel "right". So, I stopped paying him so much attention. AND he totally picks the Browns over the Bengals. I just don't know if we can ever get past that. Don't judge me. Football = my religion...

M and I talked through private message until I got bored, so, maybe an hour? Then he disappeared. I didn't think anything of it. It's not like he belonged to me; he's not a toy. But right when I started packing to move, he began texting me. At first, it was all at night. In the middle of the night. Which all girls know is a bad sign. You cannot allow it because then they will put you in the "ho" category and I've already spent more time there than I care to admit. He finally picked up the phone and called me and asked me to "hang out". I told him that I couldn't but we could grab a quick bite by my new place if he was willing to drive. He was so we did. It was awesome. The way it's supposed to feel. I was all fluttery and he was super attentive. And then I thought, "Am I being played?". Because I honestly don't have time in my life for games and distractions...

That's why on Tuesday morning I sent them a mass text that said that I just didn't think we had chemistry but I love being with them as friends. S has not responded. M responded last night. He wants to talk. He misses me. I have so much going on in my head that I've pretty much shut down in every avenue of my life. To work this whole guy situation out, I had to make a list.

Education: M wins - he is working at night to pay his way through school.
Profession: tie - M is a server and S is a transport tech in a hospital, neither is really a profession.
Facial Hair: M wins - he has a short beard! Yum! S has peach fuzz on his lip that I think is a moustache.
Body: M wins - he has a runner's body but S has a cuddly teaddy bear type body.
Height: M wins - he's an even 6 feet and 2" taller than S.
Kids: tie - neither has any.
Personality: M. wins. hands. down. - he's so vibrant and outgoing. S is sooooo sensitive and "good". One of my friends gets all dreamy eyed when I tell her about him because that's exactly how she wants her sons to be. I feel so bad that he loses here because he is, quite literally, a mother's dream for her daughter.
Parent Readiness: this is less about him wanting to be a father and more about whether or not I'd feel confident about letting him meet my parents - S wins.
Just Gets Me: M wins - he's most like me. I can be myself 1000% around him. With S I feel like I have to be careful what I say because he'll take it wrong.

You see how M wins? Right. This confuses me because he wins in all the areas that don't really matter for reasons that don't matter. I can't close my eyes and see me spending the rest of my life (or the rest of the week) with him. It's just that S reminds me of my father. He's so passive and I already know that I won't survive a relationship with someone like that.

If I could take M's good looks, personality, outgoing nature, and ambition and pair them with S's (<-- does that look right?) sweetness, artistic creativity, and total parent meeting preparedness, I'd be getting hitched!

P.S. - 212 days and Nat's focused on the music that she wants played. I had to be all, "Do you not like Michael Buble'?" and she was all, "I forgot". How do you forget Michael Buble'? Oh, Nat. So silly.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Weddings Are Joyous and Not Cheap

Nat is getting married. To a man that was absolutely made for her. He is strong, caring, and needs to be needed. She couldn't have found someone better to be matched with... unless this "other guy" ended up being less *pause* *pause* *blink, blink* thrifty.

Awww hell! Big T is just cheap! He's so cheap! He's the kind that will go to the bar with his friends for a beer and then go to the food bank for a loaf of bread. If I have to hear him go on about how broke they are, I might evaluate their income to debt ratio myself just to ease my own mind. This is a man that doesn't drive a car at all.

Which is putting a lot of restraints on Nat's planning. Instead of having it at Mom's like she wanted, they are having to rent a venue downtown because its close to where they and all of his non-car-driving friends live. Venues cost money. She wants to use her iPod for the reception but he has a "friend" in a band. Nat said that having the band for an hour or two and then using the iPod would work for her (she hates song renditions) but now he says that he has a "buddy" who's a DJ and will "do it for cheap". Now, I don't know about you but I did the math and have determined that his friend's band and his DJ buddy will cost more than the iPod that they already own seeing as how it doesn't require a meal or a paycheck.

I know that it's normal for guys to not want to be too involved in the planning process but Big T seems to be dragging Nat to the brink. Last night when she called, I picked up the phone to, "THIS SON OF A BITCH!". It seems that the only thing that Big T really wants to know is "when [her] next day off is so [they] can just be married already". If you're married and you planned your own wedding, you know that this statement is not OK.

After they had the heartfelt discussion about how this was not going to be a shot gun wedding and she is not going to the courthouse so he should shut up about the wedding planning if he wasn't going to be supportive, he offered to have his mom cater. Nat must have been super angry because her reply (at least in her retelling) was, "Hell no! Four mason jars of "spag 09" is more than enough catering from her!" I can't tell you how Big T felt about that because I wasn't there. But I can tell you I laughed for the longest time.

I'm hoping that things work out. Nat has worked hard at picking a theme and colors, now we just need to figure out how to make it all work together. 214 days is enough time to get flowers, food, and invitations, right?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

So Glad To Be Back

I used to enjoy Sales Meetings but now they are just something else on the long list of things that I have  to do. I learned a lot. I wrote a lot. I avoided talking to the vendors a lot. And now I have a lot of stuff to do to catch up.

Why does my whole life feel like a waste of time right now?

In other, more exciting new. I got to spend all day Sunday with my nephew. Oh! By the way, Nat is getting married! I wrote an entire Chuck Norris joke post and then forgot to schedule it so you have that to look forward to. We went apple picking last weekend and are going again this weekend. My oven is 200 degrees hotter than advertised. My freezer is leaking into my refrigerator. And the dog and I are both gaining weight.

I am in the midst of another major financial setback and so my car will go without repair again. I don't hate money. I hate the thousands of dollars that I have wasted over the course of my life. This setback is just more waste.

More to the positive... I cut both boys loose. It was just too much stress. I won two sales awards when I wasn't expecting any and I don't have to be a bridesmaid. Look at this face! He's such a ham, but I guess that happens when your father is a photographer and you're the only grandchild.
Ashton, my nephew

That's it. That's all my randomness for now. As soon as I dig myself out of my extensive To-Do Lists, I will be back here posting regularly. Until then, I leave you with this quote from my boss:
" Your scheduled start time for Work is 8am. Clocking in before this time is not allowed unless approved by Your Manager... You need to clock in no earlier than 5 minutes before your scheduled start time."

Yay for Tuesdays!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Something Old - Snakes With No Name

Lately, I've been spending a ton of time at home doing all sorts of homemaker-y things like crocheting winter hats and scarves, making applesauce, canning said applesauce, and planning my garden. The level of time I've spent away from other people is intense. This makes for what can be considered a boring life. At least there's nothing going on for me to write about. Which unfortunately gives me tons of time to reflect on the way I used to live all raucous, drinky and pukey. Aaahhh... good memories.

Anyway, on the drive in to work this morning, I remembered a story from my college days...

***************** fairy tale music and pixie dust ***************************

It was the spring of 2002 and Spring Quarter was in full swing. It felt so good to be wearing open-toed shoes and no coat! I had been drinking since my last class ended at 4:30p and it was now bedtime for reasonable people. I won't deny that I was schwasted and probably couldn't have gotten myself home if I wanted to but I was cognizant enough to know what I was afraid of: truckers, bugs, my stalker, and snakes. Definitely snakes.

We, my roommate and I, were at a house party in some dude's apartment. I can't tell you who invited me because that was never important. I've always been that person that will accept every invitation and make a solid effort to attend all events because you never, ever want to be forgotten. (It's hard to get back into circles that you've pulled yourself out of.)

She was off playing beer pong with the last few guys that were still there. Most people had hooked up and dipped out. I had no plans to hook up with anyone but she wasn't ready to go yet. She didn't get out much and didn't often get hit on so she would take full advantage of my shenanigans.

I was obviously drunk and was standing in the front room looking at an aquarium with no water trying to find the fish when a deep voice asked me what I was doing. I spun drunkenly and fell into him. He was so cute or I was that drunk. He caught me and said,

Nick: I'm Nick.
Me: I'm J-Bird.
Nick: What are you doing?
Me: There are no fish! *exaggerated arm movements*
Nick: Yeah, it's a terrarium.
Me: A-whuuuuuuttt? *squinty-eyed and scrunchy-faced*
Nick: It's not for fish. It's for turtles and stuff.
Me: Pssshhh. How would you know?
Nick: It's mine.
Me: Whuuuuuuutttt? *excited-faced and way too happy*
Nick: Yeah, see? There he is.
Me: Mmmmmmm. *swaying and trying to stoop*
Nick: I've got a snake too.
Me: Ew-ah! I hate snakes.
Nick: You'll like this one.
Me: No.
Nick: Come on, it doesn't bite.
Me: Where is it? I don't see it. *still stooping and squinting into the terrarium*
Nick: It's upstairs.
Me: Oh! No!
Nick: Come on. I won't let it get you.
Me: Nooooo!!!! Roommate! ROOMMATE! *stagger running*
Nick: Where are you going?
Me: *grabbing roommate and ready to cry* Roommate! We. Have. To. Go! WE HAVE TO GO!
Roommate: What's wrong?
Me: He has a snake! *hyperventilating* He. *breath, breath* Nick. *breath, breath* He. Has. A. SNAKE!
Roommate: *laughing* I don't think he really has a snake.
Me: Yes! He said! He has a snake. It's upstairs. *breath, breath* He tried to get me to go see it. *doubled over* Oh, God! Oh, God! I can't be here. I can't be here with snakes!
Roommate: Are you going to be ok?
Me: Oh, God! *awesome display of vomit*
Roommate: Wow.

The next day, Roommate was kind enough to recall the previous night's events and assured me that Nick didn't have a real snake. "Boys in college", she said, "sometimes refer to their penis as their 'snake'. I think that guy wanted to sleep with you. But don't worry, he's not gonna call you or anything".

********************fairy tale music brings us back *******************

And that is how my fear of snakes kept me from getting an STD.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Creepy NorthWest Vendor

It's not every day that men meet a girl like me. I'm quite attractive when I put in the work and very self-assured. I also ooooooooze sex appeal. Secretly, I know that it's seeping through my pores. The sight of any man instantly kicks my pheromones into high gear. It's not something that I try to do, it's just physiological.

As much fun as this was when I was in my teens, it is now full-on annoying. Because it's never the sexy suits that approach me and vie for my attention but the arrogant do-nothings that feel like they should bebop their crazy asses over here and waste my time. *gives nausea inducing eye roll* I've been given the speech about reporting sexual harassment on the job but I hesitate to do so because if I reported every instance they would begin to think that it is me.

There was Rude North West Vendor who told me that I shouldn't focus so much on my career because I'd be 30 before I knew it and men his age wanted women in their 20s, if I knew what he meant. Then there are my customers who insist on requesting long-distance relationships with me or call "just to see how your day is going". I've had people call my desk to ask if I am the voice on the prompts and if I could do that voice for them. Even sales reps have plied me with vodka and sprite hoping beyond hope that I'd forget my name, my keys, or how to drive to my home (I never do). But none of them can compare to Creepy Northwest Vendor.

It started innocently enough at my first sales meeting. He came over and introduced himself and struck up a conversation about me. I answered the simple questions and avoided the probing ones. And I really didn't think anything of it until he showed up again. And again. And again. But I continued to avoid him and stayed with the people I knew. The next morning at the meetings word went out that he bedded another vendor. .)(Better her than me.)

The next year, I was dating the Australian. This is the year that Rude North West Vendor and Creepy North West Vendor made their intentions known in an implied sort of way. RNWV managed to catch on if only because I told him that I was in a very serious relationship and wouldn't ruin that for anything. But Creepy just kept on pressing even going so far as to sit next to me at dinner. I told him then that I was in a serious relationship but he wasn't deterred. And when the Australian called, he beseeched me not to take the call. "He can wait", he said. I took the call.

The third year, Creepy waltzed over to me and asked if I were married to my Australian. The fact that he remembered something that personal a year later caught me off guard. And when I told him that our relationship hadn't worked out he seemed too sympathetic. He offered to take me to drinks to talk it out. But I wasn't sad; not anymore at least. We all parted ways after the company's casino night. As I left to go to my car, he followed me out and asked where the after party was. I told him that I didn't know as I hadn't intended to go. (Honestly, I did know and I was going but there was no way I was telling him that! Why? Read on.) He was surprised because there's always an after party. It could be in someone's hotel room, the hotel bar, or a regular bar but there's always an afters. When I told him that I wasn't going, he asked if I could give him a ride to his hotel and then maybe we could have drinks there. I politely declined and told him that one of the salesmen would be his best bet and that I had to get going because I lived so far away. He legitimately seemed let down.

Our next event was one held for our Top 100 customers. We had another casino night and I was playing Black Jack because it's the only game I can seemingly control. Sure enough, there he was, making his way to me, Sam Adams in hand. All night he brought me beer after beer, often replacing half-filled warm ones. I feel so bad for him. He's trying so very, very hard. But at this point, it's so creepy that I wouldn't even pity eff him. Plus, he's absurdly unattractive.

I thought that I was the only one who realized how obsessed he seems with me. But I'm not. Everybody can see. Add that to the South East Vendor with the Ross Gellar hair cut who seems to always have my name in his mouth and I'm gonna be in a world of trouble for the next 3 days.

Monday, October 18, 2010

This Is Why I Stay Afraid

As you may or may not know, I went to the dentist last week and had all four of my wisdom teeth removed... at once. I had been putting it off for years when finally my dentist told me that if I didn't manage to get around to it that I would be toothless. Quite the compelling argument if you ask me.

I budgeted appropriately for the surgery and fought my insurance company putting away $1800 through a federal, pre-tax, payroll deduction. Yay, me! Right? Except, the insurance company decided that they would foot the bill after all and the procedure only cost me $388. This would be great news if the money I put away weren't part of a "use-it-or-lose-it" program. So now, I'm pressed to find ways to spend the excess fund using the limited options the government has given me. I know. They suck.

All that aside, I had the surgery done and felt drooly. Then when the bleeding wouldn't stop, I felt panicky. That's where my good friend Vicodin came in handy. The next mid-morning when I woke up, I looked like this

And I was as angry as I was hurty. I mean, LOOK AT MY FACE! What's worse is that I couldn't work out for fear that I would begin to hemorrage all over my living room. I went back to work four days later and put in half a day. The pain was so much that I was ready to kick people in the shins. Not to mention the swelling was still so obvious.

When my follow up appointment came around, I was experiencing a nasty taste in my mouth that was brought on by the yellow ooze that seemed to be seeping down my jaw. (You think it's gross to read about? Try living it!) Anyways, the dentist says that it's "sinus drainage" and gave me some super antibiotic to clear it up. The situation is so dire that he wanted me to stop the other antibiotic and start the new one stat.

I'm on day 4 of the new antibiotic and I can still taste the ooze now and then. I was joking about it with my boss and told him that I still don't feel good enough to kiss anyone. That's when he reminded me...

Creepy NorthWest Vendor will be in town starting today. I haven't told you about Creepy NorthWest Vendor? Oh, well then I guess you'll have to stop in tomorrow, won't you?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Today, I'm thankful for all of the simple things.
  • my inner Betty Crocker
  • my inner Susie Homemaker
  • nesting
  • Free stuff online!
  • my mad skills
  • flannel 'jama pants
  • solid foods
  • the 10 pounds I lost because I couldn't eat solid foods for a week.
  • my mad skillz
Check it!

And theeennnn!!!

So Much AppleSauce! That's 12 quarts right there. We commence canning this evening.

Monday, October 11, 2010

All My Crazy Thoughts Displayed As Friendly Notes

You may have noticed that I've been absent from the blog lately. If you check your readership like I do, you will also find a noticeable downturn. That's because I've been at home trying to recover from surgery. Nothing too major. It was outpatient. OK, it was my wisdom teeth. But let the record show that I never would have gotten the surgery if those blasted SOBs hadn't taken it upon themselves to rot my remaining molars. I need those if I'm going to continue to eat solid foods. Anyhow, moving forward. Here are my weekend thoughts in love note form.

Dear Oral Surgeon,
Be sure to thank your receptionist for being a candle customer of mine or else I never would have come to you for these services. I don't believe in using male doctors. I've seen way too many episodes of Perry Mason and Matlock to let you near me in a closed room. However, the old Mrs. R is one of my favorite people and I would trust her with my life (clearly). Plus you did a pretty awesome job. Although, I think you hit a nerve on the right because it still hurts like all hell. But I'll let that slide because you really have called to check on me twice and that's the best any doctor in any specialty has ever been to me. Sad, I know.

Whelp. Thanks again.

Dear Asshole Who Hit The "Mom Van" and Woke Me From My Nap,
I saw you peel out of the parking lot. Not to mention you left some tail light behind. But you didn't even have the decency to leave a note? We're neighbors! Do you think that I won't pursue you? I like how you didn't come back home until early, early this morning... with a new bumper no less. You must think this will prove your innocence. Not so. My step dad is already on it and you wouldn't believe the lengths that detectives will go to for their fellow uniforms. *just ask Rollback*

Nice try, Old Man.

Dear Lady Who Offered Me Help in Target,
Thank you for caring. Of the hundred or so people who saw me with my inflated jaw and glassy eyes carrying instant cold packs, you were the only one who told me it would be OK. I know that I wasn't convincing with my dental surgery explanation, probably because I was crying. But I was only crying because you care so much. I hope that you continue with your bravery and are there for the woman who really does need your help instead of the one who is disobeying her oral surgeon and driving while on intense sedatives.


Dear Pain in My Right Jaw,
You are a pain in the face but you give me a good reason for my crabiness. I can't explain how much I want you gone. I'm currently blaming you on a pinched nerve. If I find out it's actually an infection, I might take you out myself. Make plans to disappear soon or... or... just make plans.

That's a promise.

Dear Body Temp,
I don't know why you insist on being irregular. If I had a thermometer, I'd check you for a fever, but alas, I don't. All I'm saying is that it's irresponsible for you to make me shiver for a good ten minutes when I'm under two blankets and then make me so hot that I sweat behind my knees when I'm laying in just a t-shirt and panties. You know I hate sweat. Always have. I don't know why you hate me. But whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it. I just want you to regulate for good. 


Dear Vicodin,
Why, oh why, do you work so good? I want to put you down but you're the only thing that takes the jaw pain away. I've tried OTC meds like I was instructed and they just make me miss you more. I wish you weren't so good at your job. I've promised myself that I won't refill you but we both know that's a lie. This persistent pain is now in my ear. You're the only one that takes it away enough for me to be at rest, enough for me to sleep.

Thanks again. Unless I end up on an episode of Intervention. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Dear Brian Urlacher,
I hope that you're the kind of low-key celebrity that likes to Google his own name and see what kind of obscure places you show up in. Like Justin Bieber! (I just guaranteed myself 20 additional hits!) But seriously, I still love you. I love watching you play. I was so sad when you got hurt in the 1st game of 2009; I no longer had a reason to watch the Bears. Gosh, I thought I was ready to write this. What I'm trying to say is, if you're reading this, please hunt me down and ask me to dinner. I'll pay! You can bring your manager and bodyguards if you want (they definitely have to pay their own way). I'll even let you pick the place. I just really, really want to sit next to you. And not in a creepy, stalky way. But in a this-would-be-a-dream-come-true kind of way. And we can talk about anything you want. Or not. I mean, its whatever. OK. I'm gonna stop typing to you now.

Dear National Football League,
I'm sure that I watched the 2009/2010 season in its entirety and that's why I felt confident going into this new season. But obviously, somewhere along the line, when the cameras weren't watching, all of the sure-fire teams decided that they didn't have to try or practice and all the shitty teams realized that they had something to live for. I don't know how or when it happened, but it would be great if you could put things back the way they are supposed to be so that I can have some sense of security when watching you on t.v.


Dear Bengals,
Fire Carson Palmer. And Jordan Palmer. And Marvin Lewis.
If you need a reason, look at Sunday's bullshit call that ended in an intereception when you clearly should have kicked a field goal. It's not about hindsight or about thinking I could do better. It's about getting results from the team who last year won the AFC North but allow people to forget that because this year they've lost to the Cleveland Browns and Tampa Bay Buccaneers! As a fan, I'm disgusted.

Dear Drowsiness I Am Currently Incurring,
We should have stayed home today.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Did It! I Finished Something!

My About Me page is finally up!

It's probably not what you were looking for though. *insert sad face and pouty lip*

Well, if there's something you want to see lemme know and I'll get right on it.

Right after I eat this...

Please Don't Fire Me: A Public Service Announcement

I'm trying to work. I really am! But all of my efforts are for naught.

We are officially in the new fiscal year. So now, all of that ridiculous pressure that they put on us has been lifted. I no longer feel like a panini. Working here [in sales] can be absolutely brutal. I put "in sales" in brackets because the customer service people are fucking pansies and have expectations lower than gonorrhea-filled garden slugs. The idea that they should pick up a phone and dial it is foreign. One would not deign to ask them to actually forward information to the appropriate individual - that would involve actual work.

And that's not all of them. Really, its just the ones that write novels, study for exams, smell like chimneys, and wear sandals without getting a pedicure. They suck individually, collectively, hypothetically, everywayally.

Oh god I'm on one of my tangents. Getting back to the celebration!

The weight has been lifted and this is a short week for me! Yay!! If I were still drinking alcohol I'd be toasting you with champagne. But I stopped drinking grain alcohol just like I stopped buying baked goods. I now bake them myself (and bring them to work apparently).

I'm back to working out but just once a week, plus the pup and I go on suuuuuuuuuuuupppppppeeeeeeerrrrr long walks where she needs to take a lie down about half way through and I get to scope out all the eye candy in a 3 mile radius. Mommy like. *waggles eyebrows and gives you knowing smirk*

Sometimes, I find myself getting wicked jealous of the other sales reps. Some of them make more money than I do, and even if we were on even footing (because it's never even when you work with territories. some areas will always do better than others) they would still make more because they are better than I am and they are better because they try.

I told my boss not too long ago, that I could spend time trying to learn about this industry but then I'd have to rid my head of all these *NSYNC lyrics and that's just not gonna happen because then I wouldn't be able to sing along while I do house work on Saturdays. He laughed. I was completely serious.

My biggest problems are: 1) I don't give a shit. You don't like me? So the fuck what? You can't get this product from anywhere else. And if I find out that you are sourcing it from somewhere else then I will unleash Satan's hounds on you. 2) This is not my future. I tell myself everyday that this is just a pit stop on the road to my success. It's just that I lost the map and am too lazy to draw a new one. 3) Follow up. I don't do it. Primarily because I'm a flake at heart. Always have been. I just learned to outsmart my inner flake by performing tasks rightnow. rightnowrightnow. Because if it's going to take more than one sit down I'm gonna need Prozac, barking rottweilers, armed guards, and white cops from 1960s Mississippi armed with water pistols to force me back into that project.

If I could overcome AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL of that.? I'm sure I'd be great. I might even be a fucking legend. Sheeeit! I'd outsell Charlotte. But I don't care. Not at all. As long as my bills are paid, I'm set. And even if they're not, I'm so eager to perform the mindless, menial, and mundane that there will always be a job for me in this world (provided I don't have to talk to stupid people).

Or there's always the chance that I will find my dream job. But did you read #3? I've got a serious issue with follow up. I sometimes fail to return messages to my recruiters. That is the level of my awesomeness.

This post got really off track. I'm not sure what I wanted to say at first. My mind is still on Guatemala. I haven't been there in almost 10 years. I bet its' still as bright, vibrant, colorful, and spring-y as I remember. Maybe even more so. You know what? I think I need a vacation.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Two Weekends, One Recap

(OMG I've got to get back to posting regularly!)

Going Backwards in Order of Occurrence:

I'm going on vacation!!! To Guatemala! Mom and I made the executive decision last night that our family needs. to. get. away. I'm super excited. We figured that it's going to cost approximately $2000 per person. Which is not a lot of money when you take into account that it includes airfare, transport to and from Guatemala City, and the entire 5-bedroom, 5 bath house with solar-heated pool, sauna, hammock deck, maid, house man, personal chef and on-call masseuse. I'm not even going to give you the info for the owner until I take my own vacation because if the week I want gets snapped up I will be a very grumpy blogger. But we've set our sights on January 2012. It's during the dry season and it's off peak. So while $2000 is an shit ton of cash to come up with, we do have 15 months to make it happen. Plans were put into place last night.

We went apple picking this past Saturday. It was more fun than I can explain. First, April wrapped herself tighter than a hot dog because she was afraid that insects might crawl into her hoodie. We laughed raucously at her silliness. She seemed to forget all about that when the first rotten apple hit her though. I very much did it on purpose. But I might have thought twice about it if I'd known it would start a war that involved running through 3 rows of someone else's orchard. 3 bushels of apples later, we were heading home to peel, slice, and spice them. I've got 3 ziploc bags prepped and ready to fill the perfect pie crusts. Apple sauce and muffins will come later this week.

Last Sunday, Mom and I did some serious shopping. I bought a carpet remnant to put in my kitchen. That's right. My kitchen. It has occurred to me that I may not want to do this because of spills and trapped germs but I like to walk around barefoot and there's nothing worst than a cold, hard, kitchen floor to turn me off of cooking, baking and general cleaning. So, I rolled out the 10' x 8' remnant and trimmed it around the appliances and baseboards. It's a little crooked but I don't care. My toesies feel so snug wrapped in the long fibers. And my pup loves hanging out with me while I'm in there being a domestic diva. I also made a banana chocolate chip bread that I ended up bringing to work. I didn't want it but I had bananas to use. Thankfully the oven didn't burn it (although it was very brown) and the people at work seemed to love it!

We also went to Home Goods to check out mirrors and art. Mom found the perfect piece to fill her hall way and I questioned the quality of their furniture. Some stuff was pricey for how flimsy it seemed. But that could just be the new frugal me making sure I spend my precious pennies wisely. After all of that we still found time to catch a movie. We saw You Again with Kristen Bell and Jamie Lee Curtis. The film was forgettable and I remain convinced that Kristen Bell just cannot carry a film.

Saturday was the best day by far. April seems to be getting older more quickly every day. All she really wanted to do was hang at the mall with her friends. But we dragged her to The New Albany Classic. It was so much fun! And this year's talent was local band New Hollow and American Idol celeb David Archuleta(cue high school girls screaming)! Do me a solid, OK? If you have a teenage girl in your life, tell her about New Hollow. These guys are high schoolers living the dream. Their talent is real, I promise! Also, look for me in their video because they totally taped it at the classic and I'm jumping up and down per my instructions. I'm in the back, with all the other parents and guardians and the 5 50-year-old women who came 3 hours early to see David Archuleta and then were ushered to the back so that the children could have a better view. Yup. There were 5 of them. Cougars. Snapping photos and singing his songs. The new songs. On the CD that doesn't come out for another month. It's just sad. That boy is young enough to call them Grandma.

When Rebecca had reached her fill of the concert and April was done vying amongst her friends for David's attention, we took a stroll around. It was magnificent and so well put together. Becca and I hit up dozens of rides, the petting zoo, and the inflatable kids' park while April and Mom went and scounted out all the different food stands. When we finally met up, they had ice cream, kettle corn, hot dogs, chips, fries, cookies, and weren't trying to share! April ended up having a blast by the time it was all over because it seems that at least 4 of her friends were "forced" to spend a family day at The Classic as well. Funny how that worked out...

All in all, I've been making some great memories with the fam and it feels good. It's that nuclear awesomeness that I'm loving the feeling of and hoping that we continue to grow in to. So, that's all for now!

P.S. - I made a big girl decision and decided against buying some shoes that I totally have the money for because I received a check for a couple of hundred bucks in the mail. I've decided to put it in the bank for other, more promising rewards (like Guatemala!) but God does it hurt to be so responsible!

Guatemala photo found here.
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