It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
No, really. I was seeing two guys at once. I know that I never really told you that I was seeing/talking to either one of them, but I did allude to them on Tuesday. Here's what happened. S is someone I've known for four years now. And there were no fireworks when we met. He was going through some tough times having lost his job and subsequently his home. I showed him I was interested but could never be there for what was most important to him. Band gigs. He's the bass player and lead singer in his band and I always said I would be there but never actually made it. Another girl stepped in and they were together until mid-September this year. I saw my second chance and wasted (almost) no time taking it...
M is someone that I met when my sister worked at the local Italian restaurant chain. He's a server there. He was always the center of scandal because no one knew for sure if he and his gf really were broken up. I mean, they were still living together! He said it was because of their infant son. Well, that infant is a preschooler now and what's worst is that M is not the father. Four years he took care of that little boy; four years he was lied to. I've always found M attractive and when he friend requested me on Facebook, he got the OK simply because I think he's hot. His birthday is in July and I made sure to wish him a hearty Facebook Happy Birthday. In return, he private messaged me...
When S first revealed that things fell apart with his ex, I offered to listen and he took me up on that offer. I thought that maybe he wasn't really ready to start over. But then, like before, he started to send me song lyrics (that make no damn sense!) and he asked me to a real dinner date. I went and it didn't feel date-y. It felt like two people who had drifted apart trying to find out who the other person is. Like we were a distant married couple or something. I don't claim to know a lot about relationships and love but that just didn't feel "right". So, I stopped paying him so much attention. AND he totally picks the Browns over the Bengals. I just don't know if we can ever get past that. Don't judge me. Football = my religion...
M and I talked through private message until I got bored, so, maybe an hour? Then he disappeared. I didn't think anything of it. It's not like he belonged to me; he's not a toy. But right when I started packing to move, he began texting me. At first, it was all at night. In the middle of the night. Which all girls know is a bad sign. You cannot allow it because then they will put you in the "ho" category and I've already spent more time there than I care to admit. He finally picked up the phone and called me and asked me to "hang out". I told him that I couldn't but we could grab a quick bite by my new place if he was willing to drive. He was so we did. It was awesome. The way it's supposed to feel. I was all fluttery and he was super attentive. And then I thought, "Am I being played?". Because I honestly don't have time in my life for games and distractions...
That's why on Tuesday morning I sent them a mass text that said that I just didn't think we had chemistry but I love being with them as friends. S has not responded. M responded last night. He wants to talk. He misses me. I have so much going on in my head that I've pretty much shut down in every avenue of my life. To work this whole guy situation out, I had to make a list.
Education: M wins - he is working at night to pay his way through school.
Profession: tie - M is a server and S is a transport tech in a hospital, neither is really a profession.
Facial Hair: M wins - he has a short beard! Yum! S has peach fuzz on his lip that I think is a moustache.
Body: M wins - he has a runner's body but S has a cuddly teaddy bear type body.
Height: M wins - he's an even 6 feet and 2" taller than S.
Kids: tie - neither has any.
Personality: M. wins. hands. down. - he's so vibrant and outgoing. S is sooooo sensitive and "good". One of my friends gets all dreamy eyed when I tell her about him because that's exactly how she wants her sons to be. I feel so bad that he loses here because he is, quite literally, a mother's dream for her daughter.
Parent Readiness: this is less about him wanting to be a father and more about whether or not I'd feel confident about letting him meet my parents - S wins.
Just Gets Me: M wins - he's most like me. I can be myself 1000% around him. With S I feel like I have to be careful what I say because he'll take it wrong.
You see how M wins? Right. This confuses me because he wins in all the areas that don't really matter for reasons that don't matter. I can't close my eyes and see me spending the rest of my life (or the rest of the week) with him. It's just that S reminds me of my father. He's so passive and I already know that I won't survive a relationship with someone like that.
If I could take M's good looks, personality, outgoing nature, and ambition and pair them with S's (<-- does that look right?) sweetness, artistic creativity, and total parent meeting preparedness, I'd be getting hitched!
P.S. - 212 days and Nat's focused on the music that she wants played. I had to be all, "Do you not like Michael Buble'?" and she was all, "I forgot". How do you forget Michael Buble'? Oh, Nat. So silly.
No Laughing Matter.
6 months ago