Please Don't Fire Me: A Public Service Announcement

I'm trying to work. I really am! But all of my efforts are for naught.

We are officially in the new fiscal year. So now, all of that ridiculous pressure that they put on us has been lifted. I no longer feel like a panini. Working here [in sales] can be absolutely brutal. I put "in sales" in brackets because the customer service people are fucking pansies and have expectations lower than gonorrhea-filled garden slugs. The idea that they should pick up a phone and dial it is foreign. One would not deign to ask them to actually forward information to the appropriate individual - that would involve actual work.

And that's not all of them. Really, its just the ones that write novels, study for exams, smell like chimneys, and wear sandals without getting a pedicure. They suck individually, collectively, hypothetically, everywayally.

Oh god I'm on one of my tangents. Getting back to the celebration!

The weight has been lifted and this is a short week for me! Yay!! If I were still drinking alcohol I'd be toasting you with champagne. But I stopped drinking grain alcohol just like I stopped buying baked goods. I now bake them myself (and bring them to work apparently).

I'm back to working out but just once a week, plus the pup and I go on suuuuuuuuuuuupppppppeeeeeeerrrrr long walks where she needs to take a lie down about half way through and I get to scope out all the eye candy in a 3 mile radius. Mommy like. *waggles eyebrows and gives you knowing smirk*

Sometimes, I find myself getting wicked jealous of the other sales reps. Some of them make more money than I do, and even if we were on even footing (because it's never even when you work with territories. some areas will always do better than others) they would still make more because they are better than I am and they are better because they try.

I told my boss not too long ago, that I could spend time trying to learn about this industry but then I'd have to rid my head of all these *NSYNC lyrics and that's just not gonna happen because then I wouldn't be able to sing along while I do house work on Saturdays. He laughed. I was completely serious.

My biggest problems are: 1) I don't give a shit. You don't like me? So the fuck what? You can't get this product from anywhere else. And if I find out that you are sourcing it from somewhere else then I will unleash Satan's hounds on you. 2) This is not my future. I tell myself everyday that this is just a pit stop on the road to my success. It's just that I lost the map and am too lazy to draw a new one. 3) Follow up. I don't do it. Primarily because I'm a flake at heart. Always have been. I just learned to outsmart my inner flake by performing tasks rightnow. rightnowrightnow. Because if it's going to take more than one sit down I'm gonna need Prozac, barking rottweilers, armed guards, and white cops from 1960s Mississippi armed with water pistols to force me back into that project.

If I could overcome AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL of that.? I'm sure I'd be great. I might even be a fucking legend. Sheeeit! I'd outsell Charlotte. But I don't care. Not at all. As long as my bills are paid, I'm set. And even if they're not, I'm so eager to perform the mindless, menial, and mundane that there will always be a job for me in this world (provided I don't have to talk to stupid people).

Or there's always the chance that I will find my dream job. But did you read #3? I've got a serious issue with follow up. I sometimes fail to return messages to my recruiters. That is the level of my awesomeness.

This post got really off track. I'm not sure what I wanted to say at first. My mind is still on Guatemala. I haven't been there in almost 10 years. I bet its' still as bright, vibrant, colorful, and spring-y as I remember. Maybe even more so. You know what? I think I need a vacation.