Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Creepy NorthWest Vendor

It's not every day that men meet a girl like me. I'm quite attractive when I put in the work and very self-assured. I also ooooooooze sex appeal. Secretly, I know that it's seeping through my pores. The sight of any man instantly kicks my pheromones into high gear. It's not something that I try to do, it's just physiological.

As much fun as this was when I was in my teens, it is now full-on annoying. Because it's never the sexy suits that approach me and vie for my attention but the arrogant do-nothings that feel like they should bebop their crazy asses over here and waste my time. *gives nausea inducing eye roll* I've been given the speech about reporting sexual harassment on the job but I hesitate to do so because if I reported every instance they would begin to think that it is me.

There was Rude North West Vendor who told me that I shouldn't focus so much on my career because I'd be 30 before I knew it and men his age wanted women in their 20s, if I knew what he meant. Then there are my customers who insist on requesting long-distance relationships with me or call "just to see how your day is going". I've had people call my desk to ask if I am the voice on the prompts and if I could do that voice for them. Even sales reps have plied me with vodka and sprite hoping beyond hope that I'd forget my name, my keys, or how to drive to my home (I never do). But none of them can compare to Creepy Northwest Vendor.

It started innocently enough at my first sales meeting. He came over and introduced himself and struck up a conversation about me. I answered the simple questions and avoided the probing ones. And I really didn't think anything of it until he showed up again. And again. And again. But I continued to avoid him and stayed with the people I knew. The next morning at the meetings word went out that he bedded another vendor. .)(Better her than me.)

The next year, I was dating the Australian. This is the year that Rude North West Vendor and Creepy North West Vendor made their intentions known in an implied sort of way. RNWV managed to catch on if only because I told him that I was in a very serious relationship and wouldn't ruin that for anything. But Creepy just kept on pressing even going so far as to sit next to me at dinner. I told him then that I was in a serious relationship but he wasn't deterred. And when the Australian called, he beseeched me not to take the call. "He can wait", he said. I took the call.

The third year, Creepy waltzed over to me and asked if I were married to my Australian. The fact that he remembered something that personal a year later caught me off guard. And when I told him that our relationship hadn't worked out he seemed too sympathetic. He offered to take me to drinks to talk it out. But I wasn't sad; not anymore at least. We all parted ways after the company's casino night. As I left to go to my car, he followed me out and asked where the after party was. I told him that I didn't know as I hadn't intended to go. (Honestly, I did know and I was going but there was no way I was telling him that! Why? Read on.) He was surprised because there's always an after party. It could be in someone's hotel room, the hotel bar, or a regular bar but there's always an afters. When I told him that I wasn't going, he asked if I could give him a ride to his hotel and then maybe we could have drinks there. I politely declined and told him that one of the salesmen would be his best bet and that I had to get going because I lived so far away. He legitimately seemed let down.

Our next event was one held for our Top 100 customers. We had another casino night and I was playing Black Jack because it's the only game I can seemingly control. Sure enough, there he was, making his way to me, Sam Adams in hand. All night he brought me beer after beer, often replacing half-filled warm ones. I feel so bad for him. He's trying so very, very hard. But at this point, it's so creepy that I wouldn't even pity eff him. Plus, he's absurdly unattractive.

I thought that I was the only one who realized how obsessed he seems with me. But I'm not. Everybody can see. Add that to the South East Vendor with the Ross Gellar hair cut who seems to always have my name in his mouth and I'm gonna be in a world of trouble for the next 3 days.

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