Thursday, February 10, 2011

So You Are Her Only Friend, Aren't You?

I love Averi. That's not a secret. I've known her for almost as long as I've lived in this state but the crazy thing is that we don't really know each other at all. Every time she comes into town, we find out more about each other that's what makes our bond that even closer.

Actually, I think that's why everybody loves Av. She's so optimistic and hopeful that it just rubs off on you. She has complete trust in everyone she's ever met. Some people (*ahem! ahem!* *cough-yells "Staci!") take advantage of her good nature and kind heart. This is another one of those stories.

The weekend I met Peter Pan, I was only out running the street because Av begged me to go to our old haunt, Ye Old Haunt. So, maybe she didn't beg. But there was some serious pleading. We stopped going to this place in like 2006... for good reason. There was a band playing and I love live music so I was all 'meh. I guess so.' and she was all 'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!' because she was working double time to have all of her favorite people there and so far she was uber successful.

She pre-warned me that Aly would be there. Which if you knew the history between Aly and me you'd be all "GASP!" but it's really not that big of a deal anymore. Because I'm an adult and it happened THREE YEARS AGO.

Anyway, I'm leaving Steve's bar and driving in my car trying not to cry because I didn't bring backup mascara when I call to find out if there's cover. Honestly, I was trying to get out of it because I didn't feel like dealing with Aly or Staci and the idea of having the two of them in the same 30' x 45' beer-soaked proximity was more than my soul was prepared to bear. But Av told me not to act like I didn't know how to avoid paying cover and to get my ass down there already because I was her ride. Great.

I found an ATM that dispenses in fives (Totes!) and made my way to the side of Ye Olde Haunt. I found a middle-aged, clean-shaven guy wearing a sweatshirt, baggy jeans, and a lonely expression and asked to bum a cig. He gave me his OMG-I-can't-believe-a-girl-is-talking-to-me smile and was quick to oblige. I fake puffed, he made awkward conversation and then I sat on the railing, so I could straddle the railing, so I could just swing my other leg over when he inevitably asked me if I wanted a beer. Cover-free entry granted.

I make the mandatory lap and find Averi, Staci and Aly up front with 4 other chicks I've never met and all of their collective girl crap on a huge amp. No one is talking. Awesome.

Av makes introductions and it seems like everyone standing there is her friend and not Staci's. Weird, right? How is it that we're eight people deep and the only one who wants to be in this place is Staci? But none of her friends came? So, why are we suffering? Nobody knows.

Aly and I make up without saying the words but that's only because we found a common enemy in Staci. That chick is nasty. She was angry that I didn't want to stay at Ye Olde Haunt because Did I See That Bass Player? She was totally gonna get him tonight. I told her he better drill her like he's J. R. Ewing and she's unchartered oil land because his band sucked and I was tired of listening to them. She got braggy about how she'd had sex in each bathroom and the bar and the stage and how this place had her name all over it.

I thought Aly was going to cry she was so disgusted. She picked up her stuff and clutched it to her chest, "That bathroom?", she said, "The one I just threw up in? OMG! It's so nasty in there!". I confirmed that Staci was just grody and bathroom sex is nothing to be proud of. I mean, what girl hasn't been propostioned. The key is to know that you're better than that and decline it. This gave Staci sad face. Besides, "[they] put down a jacket". Riiight... that totally makes it better.

Staci got super huffy and tried to go on about how she gets more ass than a toilet seat because of course she does. Staci is that girl that's still in the bar at 3:00AM. You know the one. After the lights come on and the rest of us have either hooked up, dipped out, or are helping our DJ / bouncer / bartender boyfriend pack up so we can leave, there's that one girl still there that nobody wanted and that one guy that's really drunk and even more desperate has finally convinced himself that nasty pussy is better than no pussy at all so why the eff not. That's Staci.

Don't give me the "J-Bird you're so damn judgy!" face because everything I just said is true. Staci is 5' 2", over 300 pounds and very insecure. Everything is a competition so why wouldn't she sleep with anyone that asked. This girl bragged about trolling for trailer park snatch. WHAT IS THAT!?! Who brags about these things? She told us the story of how she pushed a wall down whilst making coitus in Ye Olde Haunt. Huh? Ewah!

But Averi still loves her. Even though Staci didn't pick her up to bring her to the bar like she said she would. It didn't matter that none of Staci's other "friends" didn't show. Averi didn't blink when Staci declared that "You can't leave! M already backed out on me!". She didn't flinch when Staci accused her of stealing her precious cigarettes or said that she owed her money for tipping over a $5 beer.

In short, Averi is a saint.

So when she said that she wanted to leave to go to The Pool Hall, I was game. What Averi wants Averi gets. And I did the right thing by not saying one word to Staci when she stomped up to me with, "Where's Av?". (I point like E.T.). "Well, what is she doing?". (I make universal sign for 'check, please') "Why?" (I make driving motion) "I told her she couldn't leave!" (I smirk and shrug because Ha, Bitch!) Anyhow, she stomps away from me and I see head shaking, foot stomping, finger pointing and what seems to be yelling and I want to thrash her. But Av? She just walks past her like it's not happening.

God Bless her heart.

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