A Bug In My Butt

This is totally shaping up to be one of those weeks. One of those really, truly, frightening weeks. It's a week that is packed to the edge of my sanity. Every minute on the freeway is carefully structured. Missing one task yesterday has set me back and forced me to scrounge around like a mouse for crumbs. Most people only have days like this. But for me, right now, it's a whole week. And if I were truly honest, it's been like this since November 26.

Thanksgiving was less than stellar. But it was compounded by my own mental anguish at not being able to cash in on some fabulous Black Friday deals. You see, normally by now all of my gifts have been purchased, brought up in casual conversation, exchanged for that thing you really wanted but never mentioned until just now, wrapped, and placed firmly under my Christmas tree waiting for the moment when it is ready to be handed to you with that anticipation in your eye and pure elation at the discovery that yes, people really do pay attention and buy you that one thing you really want but never mentioned until it was almost too late.

That is not where I am right now.

Right now I have this many gifts purchased: 0. It is driving me insane. Especially since the rest of this month is chocked full of foolishness and mayhem. And I think yesterday, as I waited patiently at a red light because all I was going to do was donate blood at the local Red Cross, it all just got to me. It's not really my fault. She should have waited at the light and tried to merge like a normal person. Everyone knows that the two lanes converge into one but we always have the simple courtesy to wait our turns.

I was fifth in line on the left and she sixth on the right. Except everyone in front of her was turning right. She saw this as her opportunity to accelerate and force me out of my rightful position. She was wrong.

I played a mean game of chicken. I was ready to die to stay fifth. She and I were going to drive side-by-side on to the freeway if she pushed me hard enough. But after she refused to relent, I jerked the wheel in her direction. Victory.

She laid on her horn for a solid minute. It just made me angry. So I slammed on my brakes. Let's just say she kept a careful distance after that. I went to give blood and my iron was low. There's nothing like submitting to finger pricks to be told, "Thank you, come again". Except this guy thought it would be great to comment on how he's never actually seen me give blood (I'm a multiple gallon giver, thank you very much!) and when I didn't laugh, he got nervous. I was too pissed to remember to take my complimentary cookies. Damn him!

Then I went to WalMart where there were 5 associates close enough to touch me but only one working. And when he offered me help, the heifer with the headset said, "Hey Joe, can you go get carts for me for like 20 minutes?". To which he responded positively. Which inspired me to say, "Right after you help me because I know she's not gonna keep pretending like I'm not standing here". She gave me big eyes. I gave her I-will-cut-you face. True story. Both of them. All before 6pm.

I don't know what it was but I hope it doesn't come back. I felt super icky and irritable all night. I hate when life is without wiggle room. But here's something to make you laugh. It's probably not safe for work but the acting in it is SUPERB. And then there's the added bonus of confidence.

And just one more thing: