Waaahhhh!!!

That's right. I'm crying because I don't feel good. No, it's not your fault and no, there's not a whole lot you could do to make me feel better. I just wanted to put it out there. When I went to call my boss all heI got out was, "Hey, Tim?" before he said, "Crap! Have a good day".

Being sick isn't all that bad except that I felt especially lazy. Looking around at all the things to be picked up, sorted, washed, disinfected -- I should have been working not popping DVDs in and out of the player and drinking chicken soup.

Good news is my Mom popped in. Bad news is she stayed for two hours and lambasted me about everything from my bad ear to the vents that I "must stay on [my] landlord about or they will never come and clean them!" *sigh*

Well, my dears. That's all for now.

What Time Is It?

It's 9:35 am. But it feels like it should be 9:35pm because my head is about to explode. I feel horrible. Even worst than the last time I was sick. It must be from the 20 degree drop in temperature on Monday. Sometimes, I hate this place.

I did drag my butt to the scale this morning though. .1 pounds loss. I'm not even going to put it on the ticker. I'm sure its just from the loss of food I experienced around 3 o' clock this morning.

Ethan needs to hurry up and get here so I can start taking sick days again.

pics = WIN, labeling = FAIL

Soooooo, I figured out how to post pics today. And it's not because I'm so smart but mostly because I asked someone else who is successfully posting pics. After she looked at me like I ride the short bus she accepted that I was honestly stumped and offered some simple advice. (I love having friends).

On the flip side, when I started this blog I had every intention of labeling my posts. I figured it would be a good way to organize my thoughts. The problem? I'm not truly organized in my real life. So why I expected to be organized in my blog life? I can't explain.

Point is: I can upload pics now. So, I'm off to edit some posts; adding pics and labels.

Yay for you!!

pics = FAIL

I wanted to take pics this week to post on my blog and allow myself a glaring look at the reality that is my fat ass. But alas, what I did instead was recover from the hangover that was my life.


Friday night I discovered something that's almost too good to be true. Yes, I found root beer flavored vodka. And yes, it tastes just like the real deal. I just wish I'd had some ice cream because I would've made a float! And so, I had a sip here, a shot there, all while making myself a tasty little low-fat meal.

I sent a text message to my friends and they figured I was primed for going out and this is what happened. Everyone arrived at my place to get ready. It was just like old times and I was so happy to be with the girls again. I put on a cute orange dress (totally borrowed) and my new fav gold & brown platform heels. And was READY!!

Please note that I haven't been out on the town with my girls since I met NFL. That's more than three months. Yes, this is important information.

We go and get into their favorite haunt (some things never change), Sugar. And we get more drinks. (Yay! for cherry vodka and sprite -- it goes down like candy). And this very tall man touches my elbow. I give the stink eye. And then whisper to Natalie, 'That guy looks like Warren'. She says, 'That is Warren!'. oh.

Warren asked if I like 'Indian dudes'. I told him no, but apparently that wasn't good enough because he proceeded to escort me over to his friend. Who was definitely tall enough but just not my type. And my rude ass (to hear them tell it) just walked away from the guy before he could even say hello. Bahahaa. So classy.

I remember going to the bathroom. And they say I didn't tell anyone I was going. But I'm sure I did because it's like a cardinal rule that you can never go alone. It was exiting the bathroom that I fell. But not before I kicked my feet and yelled, 'NOT MY SHOES!!'. The bouncer caught me and JB helped me put them back on. Yay for friends!! And that bouncer... super cute. I really want him. But the girls won't let me... sigh.

Fast forward to The Patio where I'm standing at a table minding mine and trying to focus in the dark. This guy - whose face I don't remember - starts to talk to me. I instruct him to talk into my left ear cause the right one don't hear so well. That's when he says that he finds that 'interesting'. Wha? And that he wants to study me. *choke* Because he just wants to know how I get along in the world with my disability. Asshole. So then his girlfriend walks up and then he decides that he wants his chair back. I turn my back on them both because I'm not moving (especially for some tool shed and his pimp).

We go back inside and it's my turn to buy a round (someone should stop my consumption). I'm standing at the bar and one of the bartenders gives me The Look. I can't decide if he's cute or not, so I poll the girls and get a unanimous No with head shake. That settles that.

The night is over and we're walking back to the car. But me? I'm barefoot. Yes, on the skanky downtown side walk a la Ms. Spears. Until we get to the gravel parking lot. That's when I flag down these three guys and use them as a foot stool. Gramma would be proud.

We go to the Taco Bell near me. I didn't ask to go. It's just like the fourth meal gods smiled down upon me and decided that I should, in fact, indulge in a nachos bell grande, soft taco, and nachos with cheese. Now, to hear Natalie tell it, I was mouthing off to some people in the parking lot and she saved my life. What I remember is almost losing my nose in the window (that rolled up all by itself) and being trapped inside her car until (AHA!!) I figured out how to unlock it.

When I woke up at 8 on Saturday morning, I was still in my dress, laid across my couch with my contacts in and a Taco Bell spork clenched in my teeth.

I had a great time.

Reality Check

In the excitement over realizing that I could, in fact, fit into my Buckle jeans again. I forgot to take one very important thing into consideration. The fact that all my jeans were "worn". You know "worn", don't you? Not dirty but not freshly laundered.

Well, my jeans were worn and not freshly laundered. So last night, I washed all my jeans and because I was feeling especially cocky, I put them in the dryer.

This morning when I woke, I had the cutest outfit picked out that involved my most favorite jeans. I pranced around until 7:12 only to find out that GASP!! they wouldn't go on. It was ridiculous. The wrangling. The cringing. The utter insanity. I spent so much time trying to put on these stupid jeans that I didn't have time do my hair and makeup.

By 7:27, I was at a loss for what to wear because if these didn't fit that meant none of the others would either. I would have called off work but my phone was DOA so I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I dug through the tote of forgotten garments for my SPANX. (dunh-dunh-duuuunnnnnhhhhh!!!!)

The sadness was palpable. Even my pups looked at me with sad eyes. People, I'm wearing Spanx and these jeans are still stealing my life force.

*heavy sigh*

Pictures

I am going to start posting pics on my blog. If only to liven it up a bit. I still want it to have the same feel it has now, but really, who doesn't love pictures?

I'll start this weekend with one I think everyone should try. It's very daring but it will remind you of your body's strength. And as women, we need to be constantly reminded. If only because media tells us how much our bodies suck.

So there's that.

And I've decided that I'm not going to do Weight Watchers. It was a tough choice to make but I made it. I'll just keep picking up their magazine for the delicious recipes.

I am going to go back to the gym. But I can't tell you when or how often. I'm trying to go as easy on my car as possible.

And finally, I ordered the P90X. I figure this coupled with running should get me back on track for optimal weight loss.

Beach Body here I come!!

Wednesday Weigh-In

232.6
Good News: I didn't gain any weight!!
Bad News: I didn't lose any weight.

It's my fault. I'm eating better than I did the whole holiday season (or since I stopped going to the gym). But I haven't worked out all week. I will change that this week. Gonna start going for longer walks with the dogs. And going on small 30 minute walks around the neighborhood. I can hardly wait until it's still light out at 6:30p. Then it won't be so scary trying to work out.

On the job front, I sat with a manager from another branch this week. It was so annoying. And honestly, probably the hardest I've worked in weeks. I need to get my mind right. I don't know how though. I'm just so over doing the same thing day in and day out. I feel so unfulfilled. :(

In good news! I made a training schedule to get my body back into running. Majorly psyched by that. And got some good trails going for neighborhood jogs on http://www.mapmyrun.com/. If you want to know how far you're going and don't have a pedometer (yet) then go there. You will thank yourself. I did.

Come ooooonnnn, Freedom!

The weather has been anything but frightful these last two weeks. It's supposed to be 50 on Saturday believe it or not! Do you know what that means? It means that I will make some money again!! I work in a seasonal industry. Spring is our season. I can hardly wait. Because this is how I currently feel:

There are so many things I want to do. Like pay off the last of my GL student loan, pay my Discover and Capital One cards off, and work with my trainer. I've missed him these last cold months. And the fact that I've gained 12 'el-bees' since October hasn't gone unnoticed to me. He's even offered me 1/2 off my sessions (although he won't commit to a number).

Sure, right now I should be stressing about balancing my bank account or paying off the mailbox full of bills that I have yet to open. But all I can see ahead of me are the green backs that lead to my freedom. Freedom from debt. Freedom from oppression. Freedom from collectors. So much freedom. I can already smell its sweet nectar.

Oh! And I just got the P90X. Well, my mom just got it. She bought 2 by accident and I'm buying one from her in $23 monthly installments. Nice, huh? Maybe I can quit the gym after all.

The Great Weight Debate

232.6. Those are the numbers that glared back at me this morning. Bastards!

I know what I've got to do and I know what (some) of the steps are to get there.

Wish me luck.

Moment of Truth

Tonight, in just 5 minutes, I will get in my car and drive to the store with just one purpose. To purchase a scale.

4 minutes now. Pray for me. I dont know if I have the strength to look at the numbers.

Ugh

I went through all the trouble of coming up with little rewards for my achievements only to fail when it comes to spacing. Poo.

Ch, Ch, Ch, Changes...

I have decided that I am going to lose weight this year and keep it off. I will. I lost over 30 pounds last year but managed to put 15 back on. Granted, I no longer have 50" hips (and I never want to again). And yes, I am back in to my Buckle jeans (Hall-le-lu-jah!). But I want more. I want a 2-piece bathing suit. You know, I haven't worn one of those in... hold on... carry the one... 13 years. At first, it was because I blossomed like an orchid on steroids and my dad was on the brink of becoming homicidal (lots of attention from older boys; Daddy did not approve). But around senior year in high school, it was because I hated my stomach. Still do actually. My sister, Natalie, has the flattest, tightest stomach I, you, or anyone has ever seen. (Except for maybe Tina Turner's).

The point of all this is that I am going to do things right this time. Last time, I put my success on someone else's shoulders. Was it fair? Hell Yes! You have no idea how much I was paying him. But at the same time, no it wasn't fair for me to take no responsibility for my achievements.

And I'm setting mini goals this time too. Milestones even. With little rewards for myself here and there. Something to keep me going. I'm even going to provide myself with steps to show me the path to my goals. I know it seems basic but I need this. I'm not good when left to my own devices. I need someone to show me the way.

Knowing this, I've decided to join Weight Watchers. The flip side of this coin is that I will be cancelling my gym membership. I know what you're thinking. That not going to the gym is ludicrous and counter-productive. But it's not. I hate the gym. Literally. I hate the smell, the look, the feel, the fact that 70% of the people there are not there to get a workout. Trust me. I know this. I witness it three times a week when I go with my friends.

Plus, I love the outdoors. I used to run while staring out the windows because I really wanted to be outside. So, I'm going to do that. I'm going to go outside and work out in the fresh air (when it becomes less frigid).

And while I'm waiting, I will be in my office working out to one of the many videos and DVDs I have that are collecting dust.

I promise to keep you updated on my progress. Hopefully, we'll succeed together.

Peanut Butter Bliss

I love peanut butter.

This is actually an understatement because I lust for peanut butter. There isn't anything that I won't put it on. And I have recently stumbled across http://www.ilovepeanutbutter.com/. It's a magical place where I can indulge myself in all things peanut buttery. I've taken advantage of their special offer this week and am already scouting around for stores in my area that carry their product. If you know of a place, please advise me quickly. I don't know how much longer my jars of sticky goodness will last.

the ho-hums

Today, I have a case of the ho-hums. My old cure: ho-hos is not going to cut it this time. But I'm not sure what to do. I could go to the gym, but really, I'd only be fooling myself. I need mental strength because right now I have no will power. Hopefully, I can cure my ho-hums with a new remedy: bone-less, skin-less chicken.

Where Has the Time Gone?

We are less than two weeks into the new year and I'm not making much progress on my resolutions. Firstly, I can't begin to tell you if I'm losing weight because I have yet to go and purchase a scale. And it's been so long since I've been to the gym that I'm afraid to show my face because the last thing I said to my trainer was, "It's winter. Who cares if I get fat? No one can see it". But I know he'll see it. I SEE IT! I can't fit into my jeans. My $100 jeans!! Dios Mio! What have I become?

On the bank front, I have begun some research. And let me just say that banks, as a whole, suck major butt. It's like none of them are any good anymore. And credit unions are ass hats too. They want to be major players (and charge like they are) but they don't have half the perks of the big boys. So, I've got it narrowed down from the hundreds of options out there to like... 6. 6! Sigh...

Travel is looking up. I've decided that my trip will be to visit both my Grandmothers. They live in the same city, less than 15 miles from each other. I just can't stand Grandma S. She's so mean. But with my bro as a buffer, I should be fine. And I want to visit Ethan in Oki. But we'll see on that. I don't think my pockets are deep enough for that.

On the craftiness front, I am ahead of the game. I'm working on this winter wolf cross stitch that is going to be bad ass when I'm finished. Someone offered me $5 for it. I told her to save her breath. The materials cost $15 and I'll have major hours in it. And I bought a calligraphy kit.

I wanted to go to church yesterday but I was sick. I still am sick. But that's still a priority and I'm hoping to make it to a mid-week service of some sort. I'll keep you updated.

Love? NFL is gone. He lied. We didn't spend NYE together. I yelled. He hasn't called since. 'Nuf said.

To revisit the idea of having a theme day. I will make mine on Wednesday and it will be my day to weigh in. I have decided to keep track of my progress on this blog. Only God can help us now.

Well, TTFN.

Resolutions

Last year was all about my finances. Making more money while pinching pennies to pay down your college indiscretions is hard work. It will also stress you out to the brink of no return and cause you to make some (sometimes very) bad decisions. Although I didn't reach my goal of being completely debt free I did manage to get extremely close and will be debt free by April 2010. My credit? Well, that still needs some time to recover.

This year, I have decided that I am going to work on Physical Me. Or at least the Me on paper. You know? Dating Profile Me? That needs some work. Because men can't see that you have paid off all your student loans. They don't notice that there's only one credit card in your wallet and it has no account balance. It's not obvious to them that you learned to knit and became disarmingly familiar with $1 movie rentals so that you could one day wake up and owe nothing to everyone. Instead, men have a tendency to look at your ass as you walk by, and mine has been widening steadily.

So, here are my resolutions in order of importance to me.

1. Lose 50 pounds ~ roughly 1 lb a week. Which is more than reasonable and can be done with sufficient strength training.

2. Save $300+ a month (starting April 2010). I'm already living without it as I'm pouring all of my income into debt reduction. And really $300 is less than half of what I'm putting into my debts, so really... this is no thing.

3. Find a new, better bank. This will involve research on my part. But it's necessary because I'm getting the shaft by my current bank. I enrolled through work and I'm getting no perks. None. Not to mention they were bought out in last years fiscal crisis, so basically, I'm getting it royally with no vaseline.

4. Budget wisely (and follow) in an effort to live better and prepare for the future. The biggest mistake I made this year was not thinking and planning before I leapt into my debt reduction program. I did not save or leave any room for error. Thankfully, I haven't had any 911s (yet).

5. Become more crafty. Yes, I'm already a young June Cleaver. Go ahead. Mock me. I find peace in crafts. Not to mention that people love hand-made gifts. One of the girls at work had her miracle baby and I made her a birth announcement. For me, it was solace. For her, it was... More. I can't even explain the light in her eyes but it made me feel good. So, I want to do more of that this year.

6. Join a church and begin giving again. This is another selfish one. A) It will get Grammy off my back. B) It will allow me to meet more people and network. C) I will feel like I belong somewhere again. D) Mr. Right may actually be there (I've already looked everywhere else).

7. Open myself up to receive love. Let's just say that I was "cautiously optimistic" in 2009.

8. Look for a more fulfilling career. I feel like I am at a stand still at my current place of employment and I can't stop wondering if there is more out there.

9. Buy new furniture. I still have my 13" tv from college and a hand-me-down bed that even the dogs can't get a good night's sleep on. It's time.

10. Go on at least one real vacation out of this state.

11. Get my car working properly. (Maybe I should move this one up?)

12. Work my MLM business.

There you have it! My goals for 2010. I'll keep you posted on how this all works out.