Bigotry: A Phone Date or Why Black People Shouldn't Play In the Snow

I called him back a few minutes after 10p. This was before I knew he was crazy and bigoted so you can stop judging me.


The conversation started off simple enough. He talked like we were in high school. Like he really wanted to know me.


Rollback: "What's your favorite color?"
Me: "Teal."
Rollback: "What?"
Me: "Teal."
Rollback: "Huh?"
Me: "Blue."
Rollback: "Oh, OK."


See? He's well beneath me. And I know what you're thinking. "Gosh, she thinks highly of herself!" but he really isn't worth the pages in the history of my life that he is currently taking up. When he asked if I like amusement parks and I told him yes, he gave me the run down on why he doesn't like rides. No matter that I like rides because there's only one reason to go to Six Flags (God forbid he go to another amusement park) and that's funnel cake. I am a funnel cake purist. I like it with powdered sugar. He told me how he likes to pile his high with ice cream, strawberries and whipped cream. And then when we go to Six Flags that's how he's going to get my funnel cake so I can try it because once I try it I won't go back. I'm sure I told him twice that I won't eat it because it's too much. But he couldn't hear me over his constant exclamation of how that's "ALL I KNOW!".


Funny thought here. Can you learn something new if you won't shut your mouth long enough to hear it?
All that aside, he finally asked me a burning question. Do I date white guys? I told him I date all sorts of men. I really don't care how "he" comes along as long as he comes in a suit! I explained that my last real relationship was two years ago with an Australian (my gaaawwwddd did I love him. His eyes, his accent, his tongue, his hands, the magic he worked with the latter two. Yeah. You know what I'm saying *eyebrow waggle* Right? Right? Yeeeeeaaaaahhhh.)


Can I say that my response didn't go over well? You know what? I can't. Because that would be the greatest understatement in the history of the world! He LOVES his black people! How could I want to mix myself with men whose nature it is to dominate? How could I want to desecrate our heritage by blending with them? He would NEVER "play in the snow"! He loves his black people.


He hates white men because they view black women as exotic. "Animals are exotic!"


Did you know that my parents would never date outside their own race? Funny, because I didn't. My dad's new girlfriend is Italian. And my mom's husband is half Irish. When I told him that, his response was... wait for it... you're gonna love this... "I don't believe you. You're lying. My generation would never have that much disrespect for our people". (I know, right!)


Did you know that there was a black stock market but the white man burned it down? No, you didn't, liar! But now that I know the only question I ask is, "Why didn't they rebuild?". You can burn a building but not an idea.


Did you know that the most dangerous race are white people? (Lumped together, of course. Wouldn't want to allow a massive group of people to be defined by their ancestors individual countries of origin) Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. (Queue deep thinking voice of revelation) You see Nate (his one white friend), told him that blacks walk around with guns and knives to kill each other. But if a white man wanted to all he would have to do is create a biological weapon that would wipe out a whole country.


And you know what? That got him thinking about how dangerous white people are. You wanna know what else? It got me thinking about how ridiculously stupid he is. I asked him why a black man could invent the lottery, the stop light and open heart surgery but not biological weapons. Did he not see that he was pigeon holing his own people? My bad! I wasn't aware that black people don't have that much hatred in them. Except for that one time they sold each other to white men to be slaves, but other than that...


After being told that it was my duty, as someone who got out of the ghetto (let me interject here and say that I was never in the ghetto. I don't know what it's like. I lived in the same suburb as JC Chasez. But Rollback doesn't know that because he doesn't listen.) to come back to the hood and give a helping hand to those are still lost in the system. What The Fuck! Negro, please! I don't have it in me to give hand outs. But according to him that's just wrong. How can I not give a hand?


I was told that black people hold 5% of America's wealth and that if we would all just go back then we could rebuild this country and stop the corruption. I was adamant that I'm not going to Africa! There's nothing there for me. My inheritance is here, in America. I'm a fourth generation American. He's so concerned with "them" testing my DNA and classifying me as an African-American and I made it clear that I don't care what other people think of me or how they choose to classify me. The truth is that I'm part Dutch, part Native American and yes, part African American. But I choose to represent myself without the hyphen. The hyphen indicates that I hail from there and am able to possess dual citizenship. The hyphen would insinuate that America is not my chosen home. But it is. I am an American. He? Is not OK with that statement.


I asked him what his plans were for his life. How he presumed to take action since he knows exactly what needs to be done. He is going to record an album and bounce between New York and Los Angeles all next year. He's waiting on God to call him to preach and lead a congregation. He's going to expose Creflo Dollar and all other preachers who teach prosperity. What ever woman chooses to spend her life with him will have to be there through death because he knows that "they" are going to kill him when he begins to expose "them".


Finally, about an hour later when I was done listening to him go on incessantly with his nonsense. When I had had enough of being told what the truth is because he read it in a book so it's a fact. When I'd grown silent because I didn't desire to express my views knowing they would be discounted. After I told him that I respected his opinions and was interrupted and told again that they are facts and he has the books to prove it. As I reached the place where nothing he said actually sank in. When he was sure that he had managed to change my mind (and I told him that I was steadfast in my beliefs and our differing opinions would have to coexist [then I had to explain that the statement means we will just agree to disagree]).


That's when he asked me to marry him...