Monday, August 30, 2010

The Enemy of My Enemy Is... My Mother?

Lately, my mom has been suuuuuuper nice to me. And not just, "Oh! You look lovely today" nice but "Here, I'll buy it" nice. Yesterday, we went to the local discount store and I decided that I was going to do the grown-up thing and buy area rugs for my new place. I found some that are simple and modern with just an organized splash of color. For the 3 rugs they wanted $80. That just was not in the budget. I put the 2 small ones down and prayed that no one would buy them in the next two week, when mom took the big $50 rug from me and offered to buy it if I would buy the other two. I'm getting misty just thinking about it.

Just 24 hours previous, she gave me 1/3 of this.

                                        I won't need to shop for a month.

This is something that I am very unaccustomed (and seemingly uncomfortable with). I've been an after thought for Nat's whole life. Because she's such a drama queen, everyone always wondered how she is, what she's doing and what we'll have to fix now. Her life choices right now are evidence of what I've been saying for 3 years: she is selfish, entitled, and lazy.

When the crap hit the fan 10 months ago, everyone was on her side. I didn't understand her and what she was going through. I was judging her unfairly. Why couldn't I see that she's not as strong as I am and would need some help along the way.

And then "this" happened. "This" is when she quit her job without having another one, didn't look for a new apartment before her lease ran out, didn't make plans to take her dog from my care, refused to take the Civil Service Exam, rejected the idea of living within or below her means, and let it slip that she squandered the money that mom gave her to pay off her car... in the last 4 weeks. Did I mention that she brought her new boyfriend into Mom's house twice before mom had ever laid eyes on him? Or that she claims to be in love and that he's the one, yet they've been together for a month? Should I tell you that she spends every free moment with him and none of them seeking gainful employment or a roof over her head? There's also the fact that she's leaving one minimum wage job to take another because of the perceived "upward mobility" when she told Mom that she'd be working them both. What is a Senior Key Holder anyway?

Romans 12:19 never felt so good.

I don't mean this is a hateful way. I love my sister and I love my family. I am exploding with love for them all but I have been exasperated with the foolishness that they allowed to persist. Quite frankly, it's about time that Nat was forced to sustain herself. This past July marked 4 years since she walked out on the job I got for her here where I work. It'll be 3 years ago this Christmas that she came home for the holidays and never left. Mom has finally finished paying the settlement from her eviction. October 23rd will mark one year ago that I gave her the ultimatum to get her finances in order or get out; she chose to leave.

I sat down with my Mom two weeks ago Wednesday. We were having dinner at this new Mexican place by her. We realized that there are things that we want and need to do for ourselves. I refuse to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. I will have substantial savings. I will start preparing financially for my future and the future of my family now. Mom is almost 50. April and Rebecca still have to go to college. There are another 12 years left on her mortgage. There's no margin of error for our plans... and no Natalie in our budgets.

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