I'm A Quitter

I've started smoking again. That's how far out of control I feel my life is.

And I've stopped my meds. I can feel the crazy creep up on me every so often.

I am pulling away from my therapist. I just decided one day that she didnt know what she was talking about and couldnt be trusted.

I'm making simple (yet expensive) mistakes at work. I tallied up over a thousand dollars in the past two weeks.

This isn't who I am. I'm not the girl who cries every night after work. I'm not that girl who blogs on her cell phone from a bathroom stall.

Yet, that's what I'm doing. This is who I've become. I recently decided to put in another two and a half years at this job if they'll have me. Meaning I've got to get my head back in the game.

I'm going back to school in the winter.

I'm going to see my doctor in a few weeks.

I'm going back to kickboxing and cardiovascular workouts next week.

I'm taking my life back.

I'm quitting failure.

You are my witness.

Things HG Has Taught Me

1. I don't miss having a roommate. - I never knew how much I valued my privacy until I lost 60% of it.

2. I miss having a roommate. - Knowing that someone is in the other room makes the quiet much more bearable. Plus there's someone to talk to, watch TV with, and make big meals for.

3. I am super controlling. - He pretty much tells me this everyday. And I show it in a variety of ways like... rewashing dishes and adjusting the vents on the room freshener.

4. I receive love through actions. - I came home and he had washed the dishes *and* walked the dog. I literally cried with relief.

5. I have had a lot more experiences than the average person. - HG's never been further west than Vegas, didn't know about 'eat-in' taxes, and is living his hardest life right now.

6. I am blessed. - If only to be a blessing.

7. I have a lot of shit I don't need. - Everything he needs to sustain himself can fit into his car. I want to be more like that.

8. Boys. Eat. A. Lot. - I always think I remember that fact until I watch one eat a large fry, half of my hot dog, and wash it down with a chocolate shake. Seriously, I was awe- stricken.

9. Boys will eat anything. - Including turkey burgers they cook in the microwave. (Blech!)

10. Even the most forward people can be passve-aggressive. - HG: I think I'll head home to Pittsburgh.
Me: *furrowed brows*
HG: I don't wanna assume I can just keep staying here.
Me: *head tilt*
HG: Just wanna throw that out there.
Me: I said you can stay for 30 days. Its been 6.
HG: Oh.

11. Boys observe what needs to be done and ignore it. Men observe what needs to be done and do it. - He washed the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and regularly takes out the trash.

12. I'm not used to feeling loved and appreciated. - This sounds crazy because I always say that I don't do stuff for people expecting to get something in return. But God, its nice to get something in return. Without asking or nagging or bitching.

13. God has a very strong, very patient man in store for me. - As HG put it, "You're kind of whiny and controlling".

14. Watching the same movie three times in one weekend will make me crazy. - NO MORE 'COUPLES RETREAT'.

15. Boys don't notice when things are getting worse but they can readily identify when something is better. -

Me: What's that smell?
HG: What?
Me: That smell. Smell it?
HG: *deep inhale through nostrils* No.
Me: My house is supposed to smell like apples and cinnamon. It doesn't smell like apples and cinnamon.
HG: *totally disinterested* Hmmm...
Me:(mentally) I have to fix this!
********** 4 hours later HG comes back **********
HG: It smells good in here.
Me: Really?
HG: Yeah, better than before.
Me: *content and proud* Its Angel Whispers (by Glade, y'all!).
HG: *still disinterested* Hmmm...

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Only Because You Asked

Cake Betch was kind enough to put me on Front Street and call me out on my feelings for The Scorpio. Because she asked, I will answer. But know that I will still publish the other post I've been working on tentatively titled "If Game Recognizes Game, What Does Lame Recognize?". I know. It's a work in progress.

Now, I'm going to write something here that I wish I didn't have to write because I think it's a cop out. But when it comes to describing my relationship with The Scorpio this is the only phrase that fits: It's Complicated.

Do I love him? Yes. With my whole heart. (And if you ever tell him that I said it wrote it, I will deny it, fart on your face while you sleep and burn this post to the ground). But sometimes, my dears, love ain't enough.

We don't see things the same way.

I never ask for anything. I'm sure that's why I'm not as stellar at my job as I could be. It would require asking my boss for tools and/or deals and I'm just not gonna do it. If you want me to have something, you should give it to me, otherwise I will learn to live without it. He asks for everything. all. the. time. The Scorpio treats the universe like a personal Quik-E-Mart. If you say no, he's sure that someone else will say yes and he'll just ask them.

So basically, I end up giving and not getting. This is a problem. It's a problem because I won't say that I'm not getting. I just... change. I get eerily quiet. I walk much more softly. I lose interest in being around you. Because how long can you give and not get before the well runs dry? At some point it has to rain or there will be no more water. You see what I'm saying?

Then there are our personalities. I'm loud, spontaneous, outgoing, adventurous and generally up for anything new. I've been to four continents and daydream about the three I've yet to see. I live for change and he does not. He can't imagine living anywhere else but here. Even though his business would thrive out west or further south, he can't make himself do it. He's attached to everything while I'm attached to nothing. He thinks I'm flighty and I think he's stoic.

And it's really that last sentence that's the problem.

The Scorpio internalizes everything. He very rarely says how he feels or what he's thinking so I never know. I need to be told that I'm wanted and appreciated. That's what makes me feel loved. Without love, doubt creeps in and all of the little things that normally mean nothing suddenly mean everything. No relationship can survive with the hairline fractures in it's foundation.

So... we're friends. As friends we can laugh, have dinner, joke, and be completely open without the pressures of meeting each other's standards. Yeah, it's a cop out and I know it but what do you want from me? I don't have the patience to wait until he's sure that this ship will cross the ocean. I feel like he should know that I'm what he wants and he doesn't. At least he hasn't said it. And if he hasn't said it then to me it isn't real.

And by the way, I totally want a California King. My parents had one when I was growing up because my dad is 6'4". I'm so jealous of you and your quality sleep that it's ridiculous.

Livin' A Stainy Life

There are stains on my sweater. It kinda looks like I had a really juicy, exceptionally greasy hamburger and just let it run all down my front... and I don't care. Which is how I've been living my life the last few days. Just whatever happens will happen and I'm not in the mood to pretend to have control over it.

I have an ungodly amount of laundry that needs to be done and I have the money and time just not the motivation. There are 6 glasses and 3 pans in my sink that I haven't washed. Now, you would think that I'm allowed this because I washed everything else. But the truth is that I haven't cooked in over a week and those glasses are from the random drink of water I place on my nightstand every night. Classy, huh?

Side bar: Ohemgee, I spent SO MUCH MONEY this weekend! Like, yes, I paid all of my bills the moment my paycheck hit. And yes, I got the hair cut I've been talking about for over a year (maybe two). Sure, Klea has all her shots and got a new batch of flea treatment. But damn!, I spent a lot of money! Living is hard, you guys.



The Scorpio came over last weekend and I hadn't cleaned a thing. What he said was, "See! *This* is natural!". What I heard was, "OMG, you're an effing slob!". Same thing really. But since he didn't volunteer to take out the trash and left his apple core on my table, I'm sure that his place looks as bad or worse.

He and I are kinda fighting in that we're not really fighting because we're not a couple but there is a Mexican stand-off of sorts going where I don't acknowledge any of his extracurricular activities and he pretends not to notice. And he hasn't asked or offered to spend time with me so I pretend that I like sitting in my apartment by myself. Which, for the record? I very much hate spending time by myself. It's kinda creepy and I'm worried that some crack head is going to come through my window and stab me in the neck with a filthy needle. I should probably move.

But that's about it. I'm back to living my life like a recluse except I'm doing it out of I don't know why rather than depression or necessity. I just have all this energy that I want to get out but I can't do it by myself because that's just weird. I really miss having a roommate and just someone else in the house to keep all the weird noises at bay. I swear on everything I own that I heard footsteps in my attic! Which is insane, right? And they couldn't get past that lock I put on the drop door anyway. HahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Maybe I just need some sleep?

How Does That Make You Feel?



Pic via Life of a Fire Wife but obviously a Peanuts cartoon

Soooo, I'm back in therapy. And to be honest, I feel much, much better as a person. I had stopped going because when I told my family that I was in therapy what I heard in response was, "You're not crazy!", "You don't need therapy, you just need to relax", "I don't know, Dude. Therapy is for people that can't handle their own shit". So, I stopped. Against my therapist's (and my own) better judgment.

My life without therapy has sucked so hard that I can't describe it without vulgarity*. The worst part is that I began to believe that I should be able to handle all of the problems I was having without assistance. Well, I finally came to my senses and went back to see my therapist. You know its bad when you want to hug the one person in the world who's paid to judge because you feel like they're the only one not judging you.

I got her all caught up on the latest goings on. I told her about my Gramma, my mom, my girl scout cookies, about April and Rebecca, about Mr. T, about Little T, about the Scorpio, about all the babies, about the month of February and its significance and pretty much wept like a newly freed hostage. It felt good.

She gave me some guidelines for my life, which I need because I live for rules. She validated all of my feelings including the ones I've been told I'm not supposed (or allowed) to feel. And she has put herself in the position of being my scapegoat. If she were a man, I'd swear this was real love.

My rules:

• No more baby showers - until she decides I'm ready. At this point, they're just unhealthy for me.
• No holding other people's babies - until I decide I'm ready. Which will most likely occur when I have my own.
• No more unreciprocated giving - with the exception being to charities. She feels like my inate desire to help is being taken advantage of by certain people in my life who feel like they're entitled to receive my help without respect for my schedule or limitations.
• No more doing what other people want and/or expect - I'm to do what I want when I want provided I'm willing to accept the consequences of my actions. This is actually working out really well and has taken a load of stress off.
• I must put myself first - It's the age-old argument that you're no good to anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself. So, I have to create my nest egg before I give anyone else financial help. I have to refuse to give someone a ride if I already have plans. I have to tell you to wait until Thursday for me to pick that thing up because that's when I'm next free and you just have to deal with that.
• I must stop taking on other people's problems - She has recognized a tendency for me to cloak myself in other's issues and burdens and recommends that I tell them to get a therapist like I have.
• I must be thankful for at least one thing everyday - Even if I make it up and it feels like a lie.

The good news is: I'm not crazy. Yes, I still have obsessive and addictive tendencies. Yes, I still judge myself and others too harshly. Yes, I still have underlying feelings of guilt for my accomplishments and achievements. I'm still stubborn, head-strong, and under value myself. But we'll deal with those things in time.

She's hoping that soon I'll allow her to venture into the realm of things I don't talk about. I admitted that the reason I stopped going to see her is because she was on to me. She's astute enough to notice that while I can (and will) talk for hours, I can (and will) talk to you about the most vacuous of topics and in the end have told you nothing at all. Now it's just a battle of the "will"s. Will I allow myself to be vulnerable and open up to her? Or will I hold myself hostage behind this gilded cage forever?

* It sucked harder than an 800-pound man trying to get oxygen after a full marathon. It sucked harder than a porn star with Hoover-type tendencies and no gag reflex. It sucked harder than your mom after a free meal at Red Lobster. (Bazinga!)

FOR MEEEE! You Shouldn’t Have.

I got an award. A blogging award! Or is it three?

I can’t be sure but I can say that of the many things that have happened to me in the last 14 days, this is by far the best.

Thank you, Erin Love, for thinking of me and for finally coming out of the shadows of Lurkdom.

If I were to follow Erin’s example, I’d have to tell you 21 things about myself that hopefully I haven’t already over shared and nominate 45 fellow bloggers for this prestigious honor. I’m sure I can do the first, we’ll see about the second.

Here goes nothing.

1. I’m bossy. So incredibly super, duper bossy. And I like it.

2. I miss Palmer. But don’t you dare tell him! That man is working over time to get back in my good graces. I’ve never seen a thesaurus used so heavily.

3. I knew Erin before she knew me. She took a ballet class with Nat in college. (How’s that for stalking?)

4. Do you have 900 pictures on Facebook? Is your page unprotected? Yes! I will spend my day sifting through your intimate moments.

5. I am sooooo lazy. It’s ridiculous and paradoxical. I hate mediocre and menial tasks but I don’t like having too much responsibility. I should probably work on that.

6. The first time I heard “One Time” by Justin Bieber, I thought it was a girl singing. I was so moved by America’s ability to embrace a 10-year-old lesbian that I told all my friends about this song. I still love you Justin, even though you’re a heterosexual boy.



7. I want four children because I grew up with having brothers and sisters. I got a best friend (Nat) and the world’s best advice on how to deal with teen aged boys (Ethan).

8. I have favorite siblings.

9. I am the eldest of 4 girls and the 2nd oldest of 8 children.

10. I would not want to live in a world without books, airplanes, and Zagat’s. Everything else is negotiable.

11. I went to a different school every year from 3rd to 12th grade. Yup. I went to four different high schools. Life was a nightmare.

12. I just clocked in late from lunch because I lost track of time.

13. I have a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

14. I broke up with a guy during dinner at his house because he let his cat eat off his plate. I just kept thinking, “OMG!, he kisses me with that mouth!”.

15. I love bullet point lists.

16. I haven’t had cable for over three years.

17. I haven’t had a valentine since I was 19.

18. I need to nurture my creative side.

19. I have always dreamed of becoming a professional dancer.

20. I hate sweat. It’s gross to look at, feel, and smell. It’s the visual equivalent of bile in the throat.

21. When I win, I like it to be because I've proven myself against a worthy opponent, not because they never stood a chance.

OK. The easy part is out of the way.

There are three different awards to give away and I am supposed to pick 15 bloggers per award. If you know me then you’ve already accepted that this is not likely to happen. But stick around anyway. I could always surprise you.

The Versatile Blogger Award is being passed to:

• The Badass Geek
• 15 Minute Lunch
• The Didactic Pirate
• Naked Cupcakes
• Steam Me Up Kid

I <3 This Blog Award goes to:

• CBS111
• The G Life
• Dishes & Wishes
• The Story of Us
• A Cake for a Wife
• Art of Crochet (I'm such a nerd!)
• April Draven
• Lauren Nicole Love
• The Good Women Project
• ~ my life as i see it ~

The Stylish Blogger Award goes to:

• Brunch At Saks
• Green Wedding Shoes
• A Cup of Jo
• 13 bees
• The Perfect Palette
• Shannen Norman Photography
• Rebekah Westover Photography

OK. That's really the best I can do. These are the blogs that I absolutely check everyday even if I'm nowhere near a computer. I get hives if some of these people don't post regularly. So, check them out. Especially Ms. Lauren Lankford. And while you're at it, follow her on twitter just because. I've never met a woman more beautiful.

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Pic found here

Dear 2010,

Fuck you.

You were an absolute horrible time in my life and I'm glad that you're gone. The part of me that is optimistic and looks toward the future is so glad that we will never meet again. If I had a time-travelling knife, I would cut you right out of my life.

Confused? Let's discuss:

January - Plagued with constant illness

February - Paid money to find love only to be matched with complete ass hats with chihuahuas sticking out of their t-shirts or fantastic men with an inability to move forward. Priceless.

March - Damaged someone else's vehicle, was bailed out by my brother, and had a major row with my sister. And I didn't get the one I wanted.

April - Hit an all-time low in my emotional life

May - Got majorly offended and embarrassed my sister in a huge way

June - Gramma fell outrageously ill

July - I lost my baby

August - Gave this asshole my number

September - I had this day which was promptly followed by this dream

October - This post was distributed because people like to start drama. No, I'm still not sorry I wrote it.

November - I had a week-long battle with my mother and managed to fail at a meme

December - I realized that I'd lost a good friend and am having a war with a colleageue

You did nothing if not keep me humble. Everytime I tried to make a positive progression, you made sure to put me firmly back into my place. I am only so hateful because I had such high hopes for you. You and I were going to take on the world together. We had endless possibilities. Then you ruined it with your constant negativity.

Even the moments when everything was going as planned were draped in doubt and uncertainty.

I wouldn't take back any of your days because for every three blows you dealt, you were kind enough to offer me a day of solace.

With that, I look forward to 2011. It really doesn't have a choice but to be better. Because I am not afraid to punch a day in the face.

Tough Decisions

Some people can't keep their fucking mouths shut.

When I started this blog, it was strictly so that I would have an outlet for my feelings at any given moment. One person wanted to follow me and so I began to censor myself. As more and more people stopped by to read about my life, I began to dress things up a bit in an effort to entertain but not always keeping true to myself.

That stopped a long time ago.

People say knowledge is power. I say that being nosey will get your feelings hurt.

If you don't like it, stop reading. If I offended you in some way... well... you probably deserved it.

Day 26: My Week In Great Detail

*Twice in one day? Ooo la la.

Monday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, look at my work phone, Facebook from my cell, use my work phone, lunch, return messages, Facebook again, work for serious, gripe to CBS111 about work, check my month-to-date numbers, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, workout for a half hour, cook dinner, watch TV.

Tuesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, Facebook from my phone, work, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog (maybe), work again, daydream, let CBS111 work, lunch, think about ways to give 60% on the job, ignore my boss, go on break, refresh blog listing, try to find new blogs to read, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, check mail, recover from yesterday's workout, eat leftovers, clean bathroom and kitchen, watch anything that's not Glee.

Wednesday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, realize that the week is half over, read other people's blogs, write the day's blog, use my work phone for work, lunch, work because I am two days behind, calculate commission, make weekend plans, work for serious, look for something I don't really need, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, clean living room, go back out to buy dinner, wait anxiously for Modern Family.

Thursday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up, walk dog, shower & dress for work, brave rush-hour traffic, clock in, get coffee, talk to CBS111, woooooooooorrrrrrrkkkkkkk, lunch, check my Facebook, read other people's blogs, only blog if totally necessary, suffer the repercussions of procrastination, brave rush-hour traffic, walk dog, put on sweats, eat junk food or cereal for dinner, clean bathroom, lay across bed and wait for NBC's fantastic comedy line up.

Friday: wake up, hit snooze, wake up late, race dog around the complex, skip shower & dress like its a Saturday, curse at rush-hour traffic, clock in, bitch loudly about how bad this day is, get coffee, try not to get fired by my absolute inability to do anything productive, lunch, doodle around on the internet, look at things I can't afford to buy, waffle over my weekend plans, barely glance at work phone, accelerate through rush-hour traffice, walk dog, put on sweats, pull out ice cream, convince myself that I actually did intend to work out today, put on a DVD, do some crafts.

Saturday: YAY! I can do what I want!

Sunday: wake up, walk the dog, feed the dog, clean, go to Mom's house, have lunch.

*That is what she said!

Day 25: My Day In Great Detail

The Thanksgiving Day Edition

0530 - wake up at mom's house
0531 - growl at the alarm clock
0545 - get off the couch
0547 - pee in the dark
0555 - put leash on dog and get dragged for 6 six blocks
0615 - get back to mom's and feed dog
0620 - get in the shower
0637 - have mom burst in on me in the shower to ask, "who are you talking to?"
0638 - explain that I don't want anything
0700 - dressed and ready to cook
0710 - start breakfast muffins
0715 - mom gets in the way
0800 - breakfast consumed
0810 - ready Thanksgiving Day menu aloud and reinforce the idea of the time line
0811 - get told that the time line is not important
0811:30 - roll my eyes
0815 - assemble all ingredients needed to complete dinner
0840 - call Nat to see when she's going to make it over to start the veggie lasagna
           have world's most ridiculous conversation with someone who's half asleep
0845 - prepare to prep veggies for lasagna myself
0846 - get told again that the time line is not important
0847 - pull turkey from fridge
0849 - gasp as the turkey is EIGHT POUNDS HEAVIER than requested and anticipated
0850 - grumble because the turkey is still frozen inside
0851 - re-wrap turkey and drag it to bathtub
... - forget that the tub is running
0910 - remember the tub is running and trip trying to get to the bathroom before it overflows
0912 - stop tub just before it overflows
0915 - finally begin prepping veggies for lasagna
0930 - April and Rebecca want to help but really end up standing in the way
0937 - threaten to start drinking if mom doesn't back off
0940 - tell April that she should keep her thoughts to herself
1014 - begin assembling 3-layers of lasagna with help from girls
1037 - lasagna goes in oven 67 minutes late
1040 - start greens
1100 - take the desserts from the fridge
1110 - assign chores to the girls to keep them out of the way
1130 - rinse and prep turkey using fresh sage, butter, and bacon
1210 - remove lasagna from oven, put turkey in - turkey is an hour behind schedule
1212 - accept that time line is fucked and pour first goblet of wine
1230 - 1630 - lose all ability to give a shit about time because I have consumed a gigantic bottle of Woodbridge Riesling by myself. Nat and Mr. T are here now. The turkey gets basted in maple syrup when I remember to and since it's heavier than I thought it would be it took an extra hour to cook.
1630 - POWER HOUR
1642 -  turkey finishes
1645 - put greens, beans, and twice baked potatoes in oven
1650 - get mac & cheese going on the stove
1652 - prep toppings for the twice baked potatoes
1700 - get rolls on two baking sheets
1715 - remove greens, beans, and potatoes. put in rolls and mac & cheese
1730 - everything out on table
1732 - Mr. T takes Thanksgiving Day photos
1740 - Moms husband prays and we eat.
1900 - I pass out drunk in the arm chair in the den

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Day 24: Where I Live

From Losing It

Apparently, I live by a goddamn bus depot.

And since we're on the topic, why is it that you never see the fiiiiiiinnnnneeeee men riding the bus. On this particular day, I happened to be home sick and this awful thing was ruining my view of the apartments across the street. Naturally, I got up, fluffed my hair, put on lipstick, stuck a wad of tissue up my nose and peered through the blinds to see what I could see. And what did I see but a Grey Beard doing the driving and a hobo-esque man wheezing his way down the stairs.

I'm way to close to 30 for this shit.

Day 23: YouTube Video

You will want to have sound, although it's not completely necessary. You. Are. Welcome.



:41: Raymond walks off the set because he’s ready for the final puzzle round.
:59: Hands the card off to Pat without even looking at him.
1:15: “Of course”
1:32: “H”
2:40: COMPLETE MAYHEM
4:25: Another genius sightless handoff.
5:57: “Vanna, put those L’s on there!”
6:05: Best solve delivery in Wheel history.
7:45: “P”
8:03: The stream of guesses coming out of his mouth, which are GENIUS, specifically and most obviously, Halo Sauce/Mild Sauce.

Found Here.

Day 22: A Website

Ummm. Hello. My name is J Hyphen Bird aaaaand I'm addicted to Facebook. I let it rule my life. When I want to hurt someone emotionally, I delete them from my friend list. Whenever I have a feeling, I post it in my status. Everyone knows when I buy a new pair of shoes because I'll send it as a mobile upload.

I know that it's wrong. I know that Facebook is not a real place. But I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling all strong and fit, I go here and chart my territory for the day. But that's not often. So, mostly you'll find me here. Mad stalking you.

Day 21: A Recipe

When I first saw this recipe, I was all, "Nuh-uh! I ain't eating that. Taco meat belongs in tacos". I was wrong. (You might want to print this post out because you won't ever see that sentence again)

Tacos in Pasta Shells




1 ¼ pounds Lean ground beef

3 oz Cream cheese

1 tsp Salt

1 tsp Chili Powder

18 Jumbo pasta shells

2 Tbsp Butter, melted

1 cup Taco sauce

1 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese

1 cup shredded Monterey Jack Cheese

1 ½ cups Crushed tortilla chips

1 cup Sour cream





Directions:



1. In a large skillet, brown beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Add cream cheese, salt, and chili powder; mix and simmer for 5 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8-10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Toss cooked shells in butter.

3. Preheat oven to 350*

4. Fill shells with beef mixture and arrange in a 9X13 inch baking dish; pour taco sauce over shells. Cover with foil and bake in oven for 15 minutes.

5. Remove dish from oven and top with Cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese and tortilla chips; return dish to oven to cook for 15 minutes more.

6. Top with sour cream, olives, and onions.



Enjoy!!!

Day 20: A Hobby of Mine

I am a mad hobbyist. J-Bird likes to make a mess.

So far this year, I have picked my own apples and canned them in the form of pie filling, applesauce, and two different kinds of apple jelly. I have crocheted hats and scarves and mittens. I have carefully crafted my apartment complex's most awesome harvest display. I have bought, wrapped, and intricately adorned more baby shower presents than a childless singleton should be asked to manage. I have talked about myself in the third person within (and outside of) this blog.

But the one thing that gets me all tickly in my girl parts is blog stalking. I am a bonafide lurker.

There's nothing more thrilling than peering into someone else's life knowing that you won't be found out unless you want to be. I'm a cyber peeping tom. And I'm looking at you.

Day 19: A Talent of Mine

I have lots of talents ranging from the raunchy (ohn! ohn! ohn!) to the ridiculous (I can do the splits!). But the thing I am best at is research. I can find anything if given enough time.

Just another reason why I'm better than you.

Day 18: My [Dream] Wedding

When I was younger, I was convinced that having a big wedding was necessary. It really was my last opportunity to have a day that belonged to just me. (Prom was a nightmare). The first wedding I planned was going to have more than 300 guests! Should I have gone through with it, we would have stayed married for 2 years tops. The second wedding I planned was just as big. It was going to be loud, sparkly, and all Jersey.

Now that I'm older, I want something more like this:

I long for a small, intimate gathering of just our families. I hope that we'll be able to take them all by surprise while on a small yacht. Maybe we'll tell them it's a party. Maybe we'll tell them it's our wedding. Maybe we'll tell them nothing at all.

I'll be wearing a long, flowing, simple white sundress. He'll be in linen pants and long-sleeved shirt. We'll hold hands on the deck repeating our vows after the ship's captain.

There will be no wedding planner, no flowers, no bridal parties, no seating charts, no fancy decor. Just us. Just love, good food, and a microphone with which I will roast my new husband.

image found HERE And yes, if I do get married, I fully intend to use this couple to capture my day. Their photos are spectacular.

Day 17: A Piece of Art

These oil paintings were my very first acquisitions of art. I love them both. They are original and one-of-a-kind works that I picked up at the Starving Artist Expo a few years back. I'm waiting until I find the perfect frames before I hang them. Until then, they remain wrapped and stored.

Day 16: A Song That Makes Me Cry

Katherine Heigl is one lucky bitch.

Just Say The Word - Josh Kelley

I'm holdin' on

To pictures on my telephone

And I know that I should let you go

But it's hard to break away.

I ask around

And I wonder what you're doing now

But I hear that you've been going out

A little more these days.



Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say is



Everything's wrong, nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side...holding on.



Remember when

We were further than you'd ever been

And I think about it now and then;

It takes me to that place.

When I pretend

That I'm better than I've ever been

Well at least that's what I tell my friends

Cause I can't show my face



Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing.

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say



Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side



It's hard enough to believe in something

More than just pretend.

And just because we both know it's over

We could still be friends.



Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side



And I'll be right there by your side

[repeat]

Day 15: My Dream House

There's only one house I want. It's the plantation that my family owns... or owned.

It has over 14 rooms, including a ladie's tea room and a gentlemen's cigar room. It's white with pillars and two wrap-around porches. There's an apple orchard to the east.

I'm sorry. I can't talk about it anymore right now.