Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Sins of The Father...

Once upon a time, I was sitting at my computer logged onto MySpace. I wasn't looking to do anything except for update my status. I was getting dressed to go out that night. It was a house party if I remember correctly and I'd just bought this yellow top and it was gonna be ON!


So, I was sitting at my computer and I got this message that was like, "J-Bird, baby. You need to call me like ASAP". I didn't know this person. I'd only ever met him once. The only reason I even remembered him is because of his name -- it's very non-traditional. Naturally, I thought something must be wrong and I wanted to fix it. So I called and he said everything was ok and asked if I wanted to talk and get something to eat.

I had already eaten but told him that another day would be better and we made plans. Now, I had to go and pick him up because he had no vehicle and he still lived at home. It's weird because looking back on it he was in blatant violation of 2 of my 3 rules. * Little did I know that he would violate all three.

But I go and pick him up and he wants to go to Applebee's. Ick! I'm not a fan of that place. But I went because like my father, I can find something on the menu anywhere I go. There really are only a handful of things I won't eat like insects, snakes, brains, feet, entrails, you know, logical stuff. But we go to dinner and I've got my hair up and he's wearing a ball cap and we are eating and talking and I want to know why he stood my sister up for Homecoming and then the check comes and there's only one and he takes it and it dawns on me that this is a date. Heh.

That's how I ended up dating The Scorpio three years ago.

That relationship was... taxing. I drove him around everywhere and he never paid for gas. The one time I forced it on him he did it begrudgingly and acted as if it were my civic duty to cart him 30 minutes in and out of town. He laughed so loud at jokes that I would miss the next one. He asked me to co-sign on a car loan once. I laughed so hard it hurt his feelings. But that's when I decided that I would never accept an on-line proposition again.

Enter The Cub. That's what we're gonna call him because the sweet little dear isn't even old enough to buy me a drink. He can't even get in unless it's teen night. Awwwww... I know, right? Now, I talk a good game but honestly, I'm not inspired to be absolutely mean to people unless they rub me the wrong way. And this one is trying so hard to rub me the right way that it's just too precious to resist.

He wants to "kno" me. Without the "w". Isn't it just the sweetest? Don't you just wanna sit down and get him hooked on phonics? 'Cause I do. I just want to have him meet me in the library and sit and teach him Etymology. I was a regional spelling bee champ, I owe it to the world to share my gift. Because all he is to me is an underaged, illiterate, faux 'gangsta' in need of guidance and a dictionary. I would text him that but I've got thumb cramps right now.

* 1. Thou must have thine own place.
2. Thou must have thine own transportation.
3. Thou must have gainful employment.


  1. Awesome. How long did you date the Scorpio? He sounds like a real catch.

  2. We dated a whole summer before I snapped. He has his good qualities too, but those don't make for delicious blog fodder.


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