Monday, April 5, 2010

Some Time Away

Inner Monologue:

"Your life is a mess. Look at you! Your hair needs to be done. Your toes needs re-painted. Your legs need to be shaved. We won’t even discuss the state of your apartment. All this is a manifestation of what’s going on inside.

I know that you’re not really tired. You’re feeling sad and perhaps a bit lonely. Yes, you miss your family and no, things aren’t the way you want them to be but checking out is not your best option. Buck up, kiddo! Things will get better.

Remember how you promised yourself that you would never sit still and you would never look back? Remember how we discussed that the longer you wait the faster time moves on without you? Don’t lose hold of these promises. Don’t waste time looking back. You can’t change things that have already happened. Let’s not lose anymore time than we have already."

**You should know that, on Sunday, I slept in my bed for the first time in over a week. Instead, I slept on the couch using my guest blankets because they still smell like my family. I’ve been using the guest bathroom for the same reason.

I know it sounds weird and may be a lot wrong but it’s what I’ve needed to keep from falling completely under. I can feel the depression tapping on the windows of my soul wanting in. I’m scared because I know that if I do fall all the way in, it’ll be a long, hard journey out. And last time, I needed professional help.

I’m going to take some time off to work on me.

Try to miss me while I’m gone.

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