Frankie Says...

So, I got some baaaaddd news on Friday night. Ethan is on international hold. I couldn't properly express my anger because he was screaming and crying and cursing an entire nation of people.

You see, there was a period about 6 months ago where I didn't hear from my brother for weeks. And that was beause he was in a car accident. He was ok and so was everyone else but these people are determined to drag it on.

It began a month after the accident, after his insurance (because we're from The States where you must have insurance for everything) had already taken care of Car 1 and Car 2 to the extent that he was responsible. But in the country where he's stationed, you are not required to have car insurance. Hell, you're not required to have everyone in their own seat. People hold kids in their laps like their dolls. I've seen childrens heads hanging out the driver's window. It's ridiculous.

Anyhow, Car 1 doesn't have the means to pay Car 2 for the part of the damage that the gov't has decided they are responsible for. Car 1 tried taking Ethan to Civil court and lost. Then they requested restitution but lost again. Now, they have put him on International Hold because he won't submit his salary information as they are making an effort to sue him again.

Please know that this is only happening because he's not a Local. I've never hated a nation any more than I do right now.

Could It Be Any Suckier?

Today, someone who is not me put in their two weeks notice. Now, I’m not going to talk bad about this person’s character because I don’t know them all like that. But statistically, this guy sucks at this job. And somehow, he manages to still have the sun shining out of his ass.

”Is it his penis?” you ask. Why, how astute of you to notice. Yes, he is the only male in our department and so his goals are different. For instance, I was written up for subpar performance on phone calls, however, I was still averaging more calls for him. Because the Official Goal (as per the company handbook) is 75 calls per day, “Mike’s” goal is “somewhere in the 60s”. I could go on about how sexist this place is, but I knew that when I joined this industry 7 years ago and its part of the reason why this industry will die a painful, horrible death. Although, I’m sure they haven’t checked but women spend the majority of money in this country and you can talk down to me all day long but my greenbacks will spend somewhere else, you heard?

Ahem. Back to what matters.

So, Mike is leaving. And I want to care but all I can do is laugh. They praised him (in 2009)* for selling more generators than anyone else in the whole company’s history. But he didn’t sell them. The entire state of Kentucky was covered in ice; 35% of those sold themselves, 35% were sold by me** to customers that I still had relationships with in KY, 25% were sold by “Charlotte”** to her old customers and the other 10% were sold by the two field reps who spent two days on their cell phones making deals with me and Charlotte. Then they made Mike “Inside Salesperson of the Year” and justified it by saying, “This award is not based on sales calls, dollars or goals but on the attitude of the person and their passion for the job.” Yeeeeeaaahhh. That’s because Mike got his ass whooped by a group of girls.

I hope that this doesn’t come off as me hating on Mike. I don’t wish him any ill. But it’s funny that no matter how much they gave to him it still wasn’t enough. Us girls, we’ve each put in at least 5 years*** here. I guess that shows what loyalty gets you. I really need to get on the ball with this job hunt.

*CORRECTION: They awarded him for fiscal year 2009 which runs from Oct 1, 2008 to Sept 30, 2009

**RELEVANCE: Charlotte and I split the state of Kentucky before Mike joined the team

***RELEVANCE: Mike only joined the company on Oct 12, 2008

Thankful Thursday

Today, I am thankful for:

*accountability - I don't normally acknowledge it but its there... just in case

*secret keepers - I am not one of them but its good to know that other people are

*The Sassy Curmudgeon - read her. you won't be sorry

*unexpected sales - they will keep me from having to have the "talk" this month

*pineapple cake - its super moist and uber yummy!

*my faux snake skin boots - I haven't worn them in a year but they don't hold a grudge

*"That's what she said" - made famous by Michael Scott and quite possibly the most versatile joke on earth.

Squirrel on a Cliff

My mom called me uuuuuupset! Mainly because she hates being downtown. And her new job is downtown. So in essence, she hates her new job.

You know what? That's fair. Millions of people hate their jobs. She's allowed to hate her job.

But you know what she's not allowed to do? Quit! That's what. Sometimes she drives me crazy.

I Love Family

Ethan still hasn't gotten his orders but he's pretty sure that he'll be here by March 6th because he has to report back to base by Aprill 11th. Which would be a fair assessment if we weren't talking about the U.S. Military. So, with all that said, it is cause for celebration. I haven't seen Ethan in approximately 2 years. Maybe three. And I miss him terribly. Out of all my siblings he's my favorite. Like, Natalie is my best friend out of them all but Ethan is just like me! Except he's 6'4" and doesn't have boobs.

Because he's making the trip across many oceans to spend weeks with us all, my dad is actually going to, get this, come here! To the Midwest! For a week!

I could be super jealous and petty and talk about how I've lived in the Midwest for 10 years and the one time my Dad came to this state he visited with me for about 45 minutes. But I won't because I'm older now and I don't hold grudges from 2006. And it seems as though Ethan might have let it slip (or told Dad straight out) that I was bummed about that visit and so I don't have to do the traveling this time. Ahhhh! Sometimes life is too sweet.

The big thing (and quite possibly the most important) is that 7 out of 8 children will be in the same place at the same time. This hasn't happened since... well... never. By the time Rebecca came around Andrew was already gone. We don't even get this kind of turn out at Christmas. Mom will be thrilled! If only because I'll be super happy for a month or more.

So peeps, that's where we're at. I'm ultra ecstatic and have all these wonderful things planned for the week I just took off. Granted, I'm kinda broke right now but who doesn't like a home-cooked meal and sleepovers on an air mattress?

Dear J-Bird, You're an Uppity Bitch

They didn't use those exact words but that's the jest of the email sent to me by eHarmony this morning. Apparently, I'm too picky and I should reset my parameters so that they can find more appropriate matches for me.




They have asked me to clarify things such as distance, age, frequency of smokes and drinks, and even income. But they neglected to ask me about other things that are insanely important (if only to me). For instance, they care about whether or not he has some college but are neglecting to weed out the 5'4" chefs. Height is veeeeeery important to me. I'm 5'7" and very rarely am I without my 4" heels. So 5'4" is not okay.

Or grammar. They neglected to provide the "bar of importance" that measures their grasp of the English language. When I say that I care that my match makes as much or more than I do and that I care to level 7, then one would not imagine that you match me with an "unemploed" construction worker.

And while looks are not the most important thing in the world, I wonder how it is that it took 3 days for them to approve my profile pics and this fool got his posted complete with the essence of shower curtain.

What the fine algorithm at eHarmony is failing to understand is that I would go to the ends of the Earth to find The One. Seriously, I would pack my bags, look my boss in the face and tell him "To hell with you, I love this man". So eHarmony needs to get its head out of its ass and act right! Because I refuse to be judged for having standards, got dammit!

Now, I have upped my required age to 26 (to match my own) (I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt!) and I have upped the drinking and smoking limit (maybe I can change him?), and I told them to just find someone in this damn country.

So, now? We wait.

What Now?

Mmmmkaaayyy. Today, I received my first email from my very first eHarmony match. He lives just one town away and although he doesn't seem like the kind of guy I always dreamed of being with, I have to be realistic. I'm not the kind of girl I'd always dreamed of being. I mean, I am supposed to be Grace Kelly. And right now? Right now, I'm more like Kelly Osborne. So, yeah, I've got some work to do.

Plus, I think I'm going to give him a chance. He seems very sweet and has a few of the same goals that I do. And eHarmony prides themselves on matching people based on "29 different levels". So now the real question is: When should we meet face-to-face?

I'm actually really anxious about it because up until now, he was just some guy that couldn't get to me. He can't hurt me, judge me, or dislike me from cyberspace. Do I want to let him in? What if he doesn't like me for me? What the hell am I freaking out about? Why do I care what he thinks of me? Am I that fragile? What if it works out and I have to choose between him and Atlanta?!?

This is already exhausting and we haven't even met yet. *heavy sigh* I'm going to eat my little chicken pizza and drink my blueberry Izze while I stress about this in private.

Fiesty Friday

Warning: Today's Post is erratic in style and topics.

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Firstly (and of the utmost importance), today is Rebecca's 9th Birthday! Yaaaayyy!!! This little booger was already counting her birthday text messages at 8:30 this morning. Happy Birthday, Girlie -- here's to you!

Next, I just need everyone to know that I spent an hour last night looking for VitaTops. Why? Because I'm convinced that they are the answer to my snacky prayers. I want, want, want with a burning passion. I want so much that I almost ordered them online before they told me how much shipping would be. I don't want $8 in shipping. So, I'll be scouring the stores again tonight. Only this time, I'll be looking in the organic foods freezer section (like I should have last night).
(yes, please!) Click here to buy

My boss has been extra special. It's as though nobody on the sales team can do anything right. He's just been a down right ass. Hence the picture below.
Yesterday, I wrote an ode to eHarmony entitled "What the Hell - a Poem" because I couldn't get over how horrible some of the matches were that they sent me. But I put it in a helium-filled balloon and let it go. Mrs. G got me straightened out and I messaged two really great guys. *fingers crossed*

Thankful Thursday

Another week is almost passed and I would like to reflect on all the positive.

Today, I am thankful for:

• the renewed relationship with my sister


• friends who make eharmony fun instead of daunting


• list making. it's not really my thing but it is incredibly helpful when faced with tough decisions


• all the people who support my craziest ideas


• the chance for new beginnings


• and finally, hope for a better tomorrow


• oh! and friends who don't have sisters but who can still be understanding about that kind of relationship (You know I love you, Mrs. G!)

What To Do?

I got a proposition today from someone I've known for awhile. He asked if I would consider moving to Atlanta. If you're familiar with the history behind 28 and myself then you would think that this really isn't the best of ideas. Except, I have laid out very carefully that we will not be playing house and that our relationship will be that of roommates.

But still, I'm scared. This would be a huge move. I've never left one job without having another. And I've never lived far from everyone I know. I mean, I will be in a city and the only person that I'm going to know is 28. Yikes!!

And even though there is still a lot to hash out like personal space, guest policy, food, chores, quiet time, duration of my stay, notice to vacate and more, I'm leaning d a n g e r o u s l y close to saying yes. But when I told 28 that I wanted to talk about all of these things, he seemed put off. Like he hadn't actually thought about it. But I've been there before where things weren't properly discussed and it resulted in Natalie's "Christmas weekend" turning into 4 months on my couch rent free and then my "roommate" for another two years. And I don't want there to be any misunderstandings.

My biggest concern right now is employment. I'm feeling majorly oppressed at my current job and that's a major factor for why I'm even entertaining the possibility of moving. But honestly, this place has served its purpose in my life and we are waaaaaaaay out of its season.

I still have a lot to think about. I will post the pros and cons in a day or two when I've had time to reflect on them all. Until then, My Lovlies.

P.S. - Dad is not thrilled about the idea in the least but he is still being painfully supportive. He and I have a phone call scheduled for tonight. I'll clue you in on that too.

P.P.S. - Yes, we schedule phone calls in my family. My dad's a nurse for crying out loud! =)

It's All in How You Wake Up

Most days, I look like this:

But today, I had a relatively good start. I've gone back to my summertime schedule where I go to bed around 10pm. I find that this is more conducive to my horrible sleep cycle.

Every night, I wake up at least 3 times throughout the course of the evening. Sometimes, it's because the dream I'm having is that menacing. Sometimes, it's because my body hurts (I have a terrible mattress and really should get another). But usually, it's because the dogs are: pinning me down in the covers, lying on a part of me that is now numb, or have burped or farted in my air space. These things inspire me to wake up in a tizzy and command them off the bed and on to the floor where they belong.

Last night, however, I slept all the way through. I'd like to attribute it to the new lavender scented eye mask I found. Apparently, my mom gifted it to me for Christmas... 2008.

Yup, that's right. I've had this wonder for over a year and am just now getting around to using it. I guess it's officially safe to tell you that my room is a cyclone. The rest of the house is clean but my space is just mine. And while I can never find the one thing I'm looking for, straightening it all up is a task I'm not trying to take on right now.

Unless, of course, I step on another squeaky toy. I still won't clean, I'll just shut the dogs out at night.

I Won!!! And so, I'll share my story.

Almost a month ago The Badass Geek held a contest in which I did not participate. It's not that I didn't want to, it's just because secrets are secrets for a reason.

However, there were only four entries in a contest with ten prizes! That means that fraidy cats like me got an opportunity to win something totally awesome without having to divulge our most embarrassing moment. And guess what? I won! Pretty soon, I will be the proud owner (and wearer) of one of these sweet little diddies. I mean, who doesn't love The Godfather?

courtesy of The Badass Geek

Now, I believe in fairness and it's just not right that I got something for nothing. So here goes... a mildly embarrassing story.

I was in Clearwater, Florida for my 21st birthday. With me were my sister and my two friends, Kim and Kimmie. Now, we're from the mid-west and even though we live in a metro area, this is still a small town.

Knowing that we were miiiiiiiles away from anyone we knew only fueled the fire we had burning. We were gonna hit this town hard. We picked the Sherpherd's Resort - right on the beach with a club right downstairs! Their club is the local hot spot on Friday nights. We had hit the freaking motherload!

All hotel guests get wrist bands to get into the club for free and because it was my birthday, we got cheap drinks. And when you're in Florida on vacation there are no limits. Which is why we entered the wet t-shirt contest.

There I am, standing on stage in all my white t-shirt, braless glory, drenched in nasty bar water, when I see my boss lurking in the shadows. Apparently, all mid-westerners have a desire to get out of the cold and flock towards the Sunshine State in mid-December.

The odds that you end up on vacation in the same state as your boss can't be more than one in twelve million. So, the same bar? Really? Only me...

Happy Singles Awareness Day

Happy Singles Awareness Day to all of you that find yourself without a Significant Other this Sunday. Spend the day with friends playing poker, watching movies, drinking wine, exchanging little gifts, or anything else that makes you feel fun and free. Me and my girlfriends are planning a fun little girl's night filled with wine, tapas and Guitar Hero. Then there will be some pampering and a little spa time.

Maybe next year we'll have some of these...

Crazy Start to a Good Day

This morning I woke up at 7:18am. Immediately, I panicked. Dragging the dogs around the block, I managed to have them pottied and fed by 7:26 and was in my car and on my way to work just 6 minutes later.

I even put on new deodorant and fresh clothes. My hygiene didn't suffer at all (with the exception of my morning shower, but I always take one at night after working out so I don't think this is going to be an issue).

The only thing I regret is not having had breakfast.

doesn't this look delicious?

Or having had time to pack a lunch. I haven't eaten out in months and I'm not sure if I'm going to pass the test this afternoon. *Pray for me*.

I did call my dad and wish him a Happy Birthday this morning. He was very pleased.

And today is PAY FRIDAY!! I don't think anything bad can happen from here on out. But I'll keep you posted.

Thankful Thursday

image from The Legacy Builder

Today, I am Thankful for:

• Thursday. This day in and of itself gives me hope for tomorrow
• Laughter. It makes all the bad things seem trivial
• Hope. Just a little will take you a long way
• Words. Without them life would be an endless game of charades (and I suck at charades)
• Snow boots. Because snow would suck without them
• and finally, for one more pound lost.

Grandma Drama

My paternal grandma's birthday is coming up real soon and I'll be completely honest with you... I forgot. Mostly because she's mean to me and I don't like her. She actually asked my mother once, "Why do you keep bringing her here?". I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?

So anyways, all the years that I've been her granddaughter, I've never actually said Happy Birthday to her. I didn't even know when it was. Believe it or not, it's the same exact day as my Dad's birthday! Ha!

Long to short, Ethan totally remembered. And if he can remember and call her on her birthday, then, of course, I must make it a priority lest I spend the first 3 minutes of our conversation apologizing for my inadequacies as a grandchild.

Well, here it goes... Happy Early Birthday Grandma S!

And yes, I will have the decency to pick up the phone and call you.

One Thing Affects ALL the Others

This has been one of my shittiest weeks on record by far. And I've started this post differently everyday this week because I was going to fill it with more bitching about: Monday - my life, Tuesday - my boss, and Wednesday - my job.

But today is different. Because this morning, I gathered the courage to do what I should have done yesterday... I weighed myself. And you know what? I'm down 1.2 pounds. That's MORE than a WHOLE POUND after weeks of a whole lotta nothing.

And the only thing I did differently was get off my fat ass and sweat for around 40 minutes a day.

When I got to work this morning, I did what I always do: log in to blogger and check on my weight loss idols. The one that caught my eye first was Jack Sh*t and today's post "Why Not?".

It moved me in a way that paying $1300 for a trainer, $70 for new sneakers, and countless dollars on various at-home-fitness-programs never have. It made me reflect on why I haven't just done it already. And it caused me to confront my fear of failure.

So, I'm hoping that my early morning epiphany will give me the strength to propel forward just one more day, one more week so that I can lose one more pound. And with a little luck, I might lose these last 70 pounds after all.

Fast Track to Nowhere

What I feel for my job can aptly be described as hate. They call me an Inside Sales Associate. But what they mean is Glorified Customer Service Bitch. Because they don't pay me what ISAs across the country are getting for this same job. And they always find a new way to screw me or force me into a pay cut (while never raising my base pay, of course).

And then there's the whole issue with never being backed up. I mean, what's the point in having rules, Terms & Conditions, if we are never going to enforce them. Or the company can't seem to find its backbone and force customers to abide by them. Everyone says that "Rules are made to be broken". But what happens when rules are never followed? You have our customers, that's what happens.

It's funny how they rank us #1 in Customer Satisfaction and declare that we have the most helpful and friendliest staff, but they do the majority of their business elsewhere. This company has been coddling its clients for so long that people have forgotten that something is expected of them in return; their business. Instead, they constantly call in favors that they are not owed and whine when the rules aren't bent just for them.

Or when we won't sell something below our cost just so they can participate in a bid they have no business being a part of. God forbid we try to turn a measly profit so we can continue to kowtow to your adolescent whims!!

Ok, that's enough for today.

Here's to a better tomorrow!

I would rather...

Things I would rather happen than deal with my mother's current husband:




* have a llama spit on my food
* put my foot through a chipper/shredder
* eat Peruvian insects of any variety
* be on an episode of "For the Love of Ray J"
* get back together with the guy I dated from New Guinea




Because after all of the drama he caused at Christmas, you know, by stealing her car, putting
April and Rebecca's gifts in the mailbox, etc., he had the audacity to show up at her house for the Super Bowl.

In all fairness, she invited him. And here's why. They talked and he apologized. To her. But not to me or my sisters or my grandma or everyone else who was brought into their unwieldy mess over the holidays because he's a selfish jackass.

So, yes, as far as I'm concerned he can go to hell. He came into the family room trying to strike up conversation like we'd have anything even mildly constructive or positive to say to him. I was so disgusted that I up and left the room. Being in his presence was too much for me to handle.

Do I feel as though I'm being childish? Not at all. He disrespected the whole family and chose the one holiday of the year that should be celebrated with joy and good will and decided to ruin it by acting like a prick.



And it hasn't escaped me that he only wanted to talk to reconcile their relationship after my mom got her job offer. Just like he waited to propose until she closed on her own house.

Ass hat.

I'm still so angry.

Let It Snow (Boyz II Men style)

Outside, it's cooooold.

But the fire is blazing,

So, Baby, let it snow...

Yup, you guessed it. It's snowing outside. Like, big, wet, sexy flakes. There's like 6" out there already and it's only been going since 8 - 830. That ends up being something crazy like an inch an hour. But I love it. I love how pretty it is and how it makes everything seem so pure. I love that it gives me a reason to curl up in a blanket and sit in front of a fire. I love that I can go and play in it and build a talk snowman.

It's funny because, in my mind, snow would be perfect if it weren't accompanied by cold and crazy drivers. I swear. As often as the weather changes around here, you would think that the drivers would be prepared for all situations... but you'd be wrong.

Luckily, I live a stone's throw from work and can walk if it really gets down to it. But let's not think of that. Right now, I'm picturing the view from my front window. The one that overlooks the lake and the trees of the nature reserve.

I can't wait to go home...

Ooooohhhh, Working Woman

Good News, Everyone!!

If you know me personally, then you know that my momma has been laid off for just over a year.

If you work in my office, then you heard me gasp and watched me jump for joy like a lunatic.

I want to let the whole world know that My Mom got a job today. And not just any job. One that is better than what she had before, will pay what she's accustomed to making and that will get her back where she belongs.

Yeah, that's right, she's a working woman.

(not an actual picture of my mom)

Chesticles and Teeth

Yesterday was Day 3 of my P90X makeover. We worked Shoulders and Back and, of course, you must supplement with the Ab Ripper X DVD.

Oh.My.Gawd.

It was ridiculous. I worked out with a trainer for 4 months and never walked away feeling as... as... worn and weak but energized and just plain ol' worked out as I did last night. I used 3, 5, & 8 lb weights and still I can feel the weariness in my back and shoulders. Well, not weariness. But I know that something happened to them that they've never experienced before. Because they are maaaaaaaaddddd at me!

In work news:

I got a verbal warning today about my performance. I want to say that I'm shocked and appalled but I'm not. Really, I'm surprised that it's taken this long as I've been giving only 60% for about 6 months.

I should feel bad, but...

Anyhow, I'm off to the dentist!!

Debt Relief

I just checked my bank account and guess what? There's over $30 in there!! Whoot!!

Now, I know what you must be thinking (especially if you do not now and have never lived paycheck to paycheck). How can she be excited about $30? Here's how. My rent? Paid. My car? Paid. My utilities? Paid. That's right, people. Check. CHECK. CHECK!!!

This time four months ago, I'd be crying, wondering how I'm going to pay my rent (or worst, how to phrase the late letter to my landlord) because I'd over spent on other things that I thought I needed and/or could afford and actually could not. Or I would be in the midst of a tragic battle with my [former] roommate because I had planned on her having her share of the expenses and she would fail... again.

Forcing myself to rely only on me has been difficult. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I haven't taken loans from family because I have. And I fully intend to pay those back, but right now, I'm going to bask in the glow of this moment. When I checked my online statement and it matched my paper register and they both told me the same thing. That all creditors are paid and I still have something left over.

Good things are creeping in. :D

Wednesday Weigh-In

Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls!

I weighed myself this morning and the result is... (drum roll, please)

232.6!!

That's right. The .1 lbs that I lost somehow found it's way back. But that's ok. I started P90X this week. And let me tell you, it is no joke. I'm at the point where the warm-up feels like my workout and I can't even make it through the whole DVD.

Last night was Cardio X. It kicked my fat ass. I was huffing and reaching and kicking and fatigued all without using weights. I never thought of my chair as an adversary until I tried to kick my leg over it. Damn chair. With it's high back. I wanted to break it but my triceps wouldn't cooperate.

I'm not going to lie. These videos are h.a.r.d. But I know it'll all be worth it soon. And no, I haven't started running yet. It's just too cold outside and I don't have winter workout gear. I know, such poor planning.

WiNter and other things...

Today, when I woke up, there was 2" of snow on my car. So... I didn't exactly need a groundhog to tell me that winter wasn't over.

And last night was the first night I did P90X. Now, most people don't know this but they offer 3 different ways to accomplish the program. I chose the least aggressive: the lean option. It's more cardio than strength training and will give me the lean flexibility that I miss so much. So, about the 1st workout. It was tough. I only got through 40 minutes of Core Synergistics. I will tell you this: it hurt. A lot. My.body.hurts. My abs, back and inner thighs are all aching like they've never been worked out before. I feel completely ridiculous. Soooooo, I'm thinking that P90X is going to take me 120 days before I can do all of the workouts out all the way through with complete energy.

Finally, last and certainly not least. Happy 3?th Birthday to "28"!!! Horray for you!