Wednesday, March 10, 2010

But Why Do I Need Twwwwoooo of Them?

Saturday, I told my Mom about my plans to escape to Atlanta. (Escape – you have to say it with the accent mark. It’s much more fun that way. And drag out the e’ at the end so when you say it in your head it’s like “escahpaaaaay”. Yeah. Like that.)

Anyhow, I told her on Saturday and I guess it’s my fault for not making it sound like a definitive decision. Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Mom, do you remember Palmer?

Mom: Sure, the one with the crazy girlfriend who cheated on him.

Me: Yeah. He asked me if I wanted to move in with him. I talked to some of my friends about it and they’re split.

Mom: Really?

Me: Yeah. But I’m seriously considering it. I need the change of pace and it would answer a lot of questions I’ve been mulling over for awhile. You know I’ve never liked Ohio and I’m ready to make some changes.

Mom: But you’re not his girlfriend.

Me: Of course I’m not his girlfriend. We talked about it and there are some major boundaries. We even hashed out a couple of major issues but we still don’t agree about overnight guests.

Mom: Well, you need to see it first.

Me: Yeah. (Side note: I say “yeah” to my mom A LOT and ON PURPOSE. When we were growing up, if you answered “yeah” to her question, you would get “YEAH? YEAH? Who are you talking to?” as a response. So now, I say yeah whenever the opportunity arises and sometimes when it doesn’t even apply. Passive aggressive? Yeah.) I was thinking about going in June and I want you to go with me.

Mom: Sure. We can go and then head to the conference*

*”The conference” is something that, according to her, I promised to go to last summer. I don’t believe it but I guess I’m going anyway.

Me: Yeeeeaaaahhh. Fuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk! What the hell conference are you talking about?**

**Italics represent the thoughts in my head.

Mom: Great. We’ll do that then.

Flash forward to last night. Mom called and we had this conversation.

Mom: I told April and Rebecca that you’re thinking of moving. Becca’s not happy about it.

Me: Oh. I didn’t think you would tell them already. It’s not until the end of the summer. Why would you do that?

Mom: Yeah, but I wanted them to be prepared.

Me: For what? I hate you right now.

Mom: For you not being around.

Me: Hmmm… well, there’s the whole summer. And don’t act like you don’t like Atlanta. I’m sure you’ll visit. And now I have to spend the whole summer kissing little kid ass. Thanks Mom.

Mom: Besides, just because he made the offer doesn’t mean you have to accept it. As far as I’m concerned this is just Plan B.

Me: Plan B? What’s Plan A? What the eff?!?

Mom: We don’t know yet. Who’s to say you won’t find something better? You have the whole summer, you know.

Me: Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh.

You see? I blame myself. I’m not a planner but, I’m also not one to just let life happen to me. The problem with that combination is that I usually jump head first into my endeavors. The good part is my parents have never had to rescue me. The down side is that I’ll usually be ‘stuck’ in something long term just because I don’t have the motivation to change it. I’m lazy like that.

My parents know that I am not a planner. I don’t plan. It’s just not something I do. I’ve never actually managed to save money because I just think of all the things I can do with it right now. When I want something, I want it NOW. If I take time to think about it, it won’t get done. The procrastinator in me will put it off until either the opportunity has passed or I have 8.5 minutes to complete the project.

So, knowing this, why would she expect me to have two whole plans? I didn’t even have one real plan until Palmer called. My “plan” looked like this. See, I disguised them that way so that no one could really hold me accountable for failure. Isn’t that why we make resolutions in the first place? If I was really going to do those things, I would just do them instead of writing them down and procrastinating on them.

Now, I have two choices. I can come up with a Plan A to make her happy or I can tell her that her Plan B is my Plan A and she’ll have to deal with it. Honestly, I think I’ll go with 3. which is to pretend like I’m working on getting a Plan A knowing that Plan B is the only plan and hoping that Palmer doesn’t change his mind because I’ll still be going to Atlanta there’s just the added possibility that I’ll be living out of my car. Yeah, we’ll go with that.

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