Monday, March 29, 2010

Who the Hell ARE You?

I'm sure you know this about me already but I have a rather raunchy sense of humor. I learned how to crochet a vagina and gave it to a cousin as a gift with the tagline "This is as close to pussy as you'll ever get!".

BAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAA!!!!! (That still cracks me up!)

But at the same time, I will laugh at almost anything. Doesn't even need to be appropriate. The jokes don't need to be elaborate or even well set up. I just think everything is funny. This is why I like Chuck Norris jokes.


I fucking LOVE Chuck Norris jokes.

I peruse the internet looking for them and when I find a side buster I share it with everyone. Some people twice.

My brother and I are so alike in so many ways that I thought that he too would have a similar sense of humor. Or at the very least he would like Chuck Norris jokes.

He does not.

Ethan, my hero, my big little brother, does not like Chuck Norris jokes. (Did you hear my heart breaking? Because it did. I died a little inside.)

Please believe that I tried and tried and tried.

I told him that Chuck Norris was why Waldo was hiding. That Chuck Norris doesn't use a condom because his sperm destroys fertile eggs. I told him that Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there's no life there.

He just looked at me with one raised eyebrow.

Maybe it was the way I started? What I said was, "Did you know that Chuck Norris didn't lose his virginity. He told it to get the fuck out!". And then I doubled over laughing.

I don't know what's wrong with him. These jokes are hiiiiiiiiiilarious.

But still, I'll leave you with some of my favorites:

Chuck Norris once at a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Julius Caesar once said, "Vini, Vidi, Vici". Translation, "I came. I saw. I got roundhouse kicked in the face."

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

And for extra flavor: Chuck Norris is Helen Keller's favorite color. <--- (Go ahead and laugh. We both know its funny).

1 comment:

  1. Ethan needs to get a sense of humor! Chuck Norris jokes rock.


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